We Will Endure
by My writing is this
Summary: As a slave I am to stand silent, awaiting commands from my masters. A possession to answer to their every whim no matter what it may be. Yet, I am still human. Overcome by feelings and wants I didn't know I could have, I risked everything. I could easily ruin myself. But his beauty was too exquisite. I needed to feel him. I needed to have him. No matter the cost or consequence.
1. Prologue

**Disclaimer: Anything you recognize from the STARZ show Spartacus is not mine.**

**A/N: Unable to help myself, I've started another story. I hope you enjoy it! I found this one exceptionally exciting to write!**

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_**Prologue**_

The villa was quiet. Even the wind dared not stir for the sake of being confronted by the villa's master. Lying on the cold stone of the small room I occupied, I tried not to breathe too heavily. Afraid that the shudders lying within each breath would make him return. Afraid that if he did I would not last the night. The thought had plagued my mind every night since I'd arrived, yet I still endured.

Shifting my weight, my body ached, making tears come to my eyes, the trenches in my back soiled and only partially healed. My dress was in ribbons, covered in dirt and blood. My legs had yet to return full feeling from my last encounter with the man who owned me. Owned me as one owns a cup or a bed. Owned me like a loaf of bread or the clothes on your back. Tears welled and rolled from the corners of my eyes as I choked back sobs as they attempted to come out. Wallowing in my grief, I heard footfalls coming ever closer. My heart started to race and I quickly scrambled into the nearest corner, not caring about the pain it caused me or the rattling of the shackle around my ankle.

Soon a shadow moved in front of the sheet of fabric that draped the doorway, standing there for several moments before a hand appeared and slowly pulled the drape aside, revealing a toned man of worth. His tall form hard with muscle, thick brown hair that was cut short, bangs flattened against his forehead. His eyes were as cold as steal, his thin lips practically invisible as he smiled evilly. Stepping into the room, I cowered in the corner, my chin digging into my chest as I tried to melt into myself. Hearing him step up to me, he bent down, moving a strand of hair that covered my face.

"How do you fare, my love?" He said with a voice like chocolate. Remaining silent, I couldn't even begin to bring myself to meet his eyes. Gripping my chin forcefully, he jerked my head up so I would meet his eyes. "You must know that I never wish to harm you. If only you'd see that."

"Then why do you continue to force yourself upon me?" I asked with a small voice.

"If you'd comply, I wouldn't have to." He replied with an ominous tone.

"Of course." I told him with a soft tone. "Apologies."

He sighed and cupped my face in his large hand. "See?" He smiled. "A little compliance will go a long way."

Nodding at him, he leaned in and pressed his lips against mine. Giving me several kisses, I had to swallow the bile, unable to kiss him back. Suddenly he bit my lip, making me give a small yell as blood filled my mouth. Leaning away, he looked at me with a taut jaw, the anger I'd come to know well in his eyes. My eyes grew wide as I watched his muscles tense, pain streaking across my face as he slapped me. He didn't let me recover from the hit before his hands were on my arms, throwing me to the floor before he straddled me. There was nothing between him and I to stop what was about to happen. Unable to control my fear, I fought against him, thrashing my arms and legs to try and throw him off. He was too strong for me, especially in my weakened state, stopping, screaming, as he violently thrust himself up inside of me. Still trying to fight him off, memories of the past came flooding back, trying to lose myself in the moments where I was happy. Where I laid with a man that I loved and was not simply a toy to be played with. Those memories were all I had left to keep me going. The only reason I still fought against him. The only reason I fought to stay alive.

After he was done with me I once again lay limp on the floor, battered and bruised. I was losing my will to fight, deciding that it might just be easier to give in and be what he wanted me to be. But the thought was a betrayal in itself. I couldn't. I wouldn't. He would not destroy me. He could do what he wanted with my body, but my heart and soul was already taken by another. His memory would keep me alive. Knowing that he was out there and that someday, somehow, we would be together again. Simply the knowledge that he still lived would be enough for me.

Sleep would not take me, afraid of what would happen if I was caught unawares. I needed to be ready. Even if I couldn't stop him, I would still fight, knowing what was coming for me. Just when I felt the first wave of fatigue start to take over, I heard commotion in the villa. Sitting up, I listened to it before my master appeared in the doorway. Darting to the corner, he was on top of my before I could react. He lifted me from the ground and slammed me against the wall, allowing me to fall to the side. Straddling me, his lips tasted of wine as he pressed his lips against mine. His hands gripped my breasts with such force that I attempted to scream, though his hand against my throat quickly stifled me. I could feel his cock go hard against my thigh. Struggling against him, I managed to kick him off of me, making me scramble away from him till I was at the end of my chain. Gripping it, he yanked with all his might, making me jerk toward him on my back. Turning, I attempted to grip the smooth surface of the floor, my fingernails breaking off whole from the effort, my screams filling the room as I felt his hands once again on my flesh. With one more pull I was underneath him again. Lying atop my back, he once against thrust himself inside of me. He was clumsy with wine but managed to find his mark. I could feel warmth surrounding my cunt as pain erupted, knowing he had ripped me again. Fear slowly turned to anger, building until I had the courage to fight back, elbowing him in the face. He fell off of me, letting out a feral yell before he turned and scrambled back to me. Only now he came at me with fists and feet, beating me until I couldn't move. When he stood breathing hard, I attempted not to choke on the blood that was filling my mouth and sinuses.

"One day you will learn, my love." He told me. Coughing blood, he simply straightened his clothes and left the room.

Unable to even cry, I simply laid there. The end was near. His final lesson would take the last shreds of my humanity and then finally my life. I knew it was so. There was no stopping it anymore. As it was I felt too far gone to be able to fight him again. The next time he came calling would be the last. I couldn't take anymore. I'd rather my life end than give into him. I may be his slave but I would not live this way. I would not be a piece of meat to feed his insanity. I would not give him the satisfaction. Closing my eyes, I brought forth the happy memories that I held onto, bringing them to light behind the lids of my eyes. His boyish features. His blue eyes that made me melt. Strong hands that made me feel safe whenever they touched me. Imagining them on me now, I felt comforted. Even finding a small measure of well needed sleep.

Waking to commotion in the villa, fear once again encompassed me. Three times in the same day was far more than usual, even for him. He usually kept his visits to once a day or even every other, letting me recover before coming again. Making it more enjoyable for him. Moving to the corner, I couldn't help the shaking that started to set in as I waited for him to appear. Then I heard yelling. Something that was not normal for the villa. There were other slaves and a handful of guards but I hadn't had interaction with them in weeks. Only when a shadow appeared against the drape, the shape was different. The drape was slowly moved aside and a figure stepped in. Now tears filled my eyes, swiftly streaming down my face. The man in front of me was one I knew. For a moment I dared to believe that this hell was over. Dared to hope that I had been saved.


	2. A Life That Is Not Our Own

_**Chapter One: A Life That Is Not Our Own**_

The dry heat of the day was enough to drive anyone mad. We had been without rain for so long that I had forgotten what it felt like. The house was seeing the beginnings of a water shortage and soon we would be feeling the effects. We slaves more than anyone, the ones that mattered least of all. The gladiators would be the first after the masters of the house and their guests. Then, perhaps, we would get a share of the water. The thought alone made my mouth go dry. With the sun barely rising, I should have already been on the move to prepare the villa for the day. Domina had expectations and I had to make sure that they were upheld. Taking a moment to look at myself in the small mirror Domina had given to her body slaves, I took in my appearance. My long dark brown hair was braided over my shoulder, my light skin was clean and tanned, my green eyes shining and eye catching against the blue of the gown that draped over my body. It loosely covered almost half of me, showing off just enough skin to entice. I was slender, but with slightly more padding down my sides and over my hips, as well as a well-rounded rear that even I was proud of. I may not be the thinnest slave in the house but I made up for it in other ways, and I was still smooth figured enough to stave off any self-consciousness that would distract me from pleasing my Domina. More than that, I couldn't help but think that I was still able to attract a man, something I hoped to be able to do at some point in my life. Sighing, I raised myself onto the tip of my toes, stretching my calves, before moving from the little room, making my way barefoot through the villa.

I'd lived in this house my whole life. My mother had served under Titus Batiatus and Quintus Lentulus Batiatus after that with his wife Lucretia, a slave since she was a young woman. I was born here and had been raised by my mother until my early adolescence before she died. I was then raised by another slave who had a daughter of the same age as I. Both of us born and raised within these walls. I owed her everything. But, as with all good things in servitude, she too was taken from us. Leaving her daughter and me alone, bonded as sisters, to continue to serve our Dominus and Domina, falling into a daily routine that had encompassed our lives for as long as we could remember.

Finding Naevia, she told me what our Domina had requested and I quickly set out to see to it. Being a body slave was new to me and I found getting to know my Domina more intimately was a daunting task. Being the closest thing to your master was both nerve-racking and an honor. Naevia had been Domina's body slave for some time, helping and teaching me throughout this transition. Continuing to put together the food spread that Domina had asked for, I felt a certain level of privilege. I had risen as far as a slave could, though not on my own. I'd be nothing without Naevia. Pulling myself from my thoughts, I focused on the task at hand. I placed the various fruits, cheeses, mushrooms, and bread on a three tier platter, adorned with flowers and greenery. Just as I put the finishing touches on it, Domina came in with a raised brow as she looked at it.

"As beautiful as ever, Lea." She smiled.

"I try, Domina." I told her with a bow of my head.

"And you succeed." She said turning to me. "You have talent."

"I'm glad it pleases you."

"Always so modest." She stated. I simply bowed my head again.

"Naevia." Domina said, and the dark haired, deep olive skinned, beautiful slave came walking in obediently. "Will you please take Lea to help you get the wine?"

"Of course, Domina." Naevia replied with a bow of her head.

She met my eyes before turning and moving from the room with me right on her heels. Moving through the villa, we made our way to the lower level, where the wine was kept at the entrance to the ludus, the sounds of the gladiators coming forth.

"Are you well?" I asked her.

"Of course." She smiled. "Are you?"

"Yes." I replied with a smile. "As always."

"They haven't attempted to give you to anyone have they?" She asked concerned.

"No. There have been requests but so far Domina is happy with where I am." I told her.

"One of the few advantages." Naevia stated.

"As long as we can continue to please her we will live as well as any slave can ask for. Have I thanked you for your assistance in my elevation?" I asked.

"Many times." She smiled.

"I still thank you." I smiled appreciatively.

We could hear commotion from the inside the ludus next to us. They were always fighting and carrying on. Not wanting to draw attention to ourselves by a lengthy absence, we turned and made our way back to our Domina. We had become quite proficient at speaking in as few sentences as possible. There was never enough time to say everything we'd like. Even at night while we shared a small room, hard cots and a sandy floor. For a moment, just before we were in sight of the Domina, I touched her blue butterfly tattoo, still able to feel the itch of my own.

"Thank you, Naevia, Lea." Domina smiled as we placed it on the table with the food.

We stood in a corner of the room, watching as Domina enjoyed the spread that lay before her. Pouring her wine and water on request. As she moved from the room, we obediently followed. She moved to the balcony that overlooked the courtyard. We could hear the sound of practice swords clashing, the yelling as the gladiators were taught below us by Doctore, a former gladiator of the house. Making sure I stood behind my Domina, I looked out over the men below. They were a sight to see. Their bodies' sheening with sweat, making them glitter in the sun. The sight made me wet, wanting to put my hands on just one of their bodies, knowing that I couldn't and never would.

"Like what you see?" Domina asked, making me jump, realizing that I had been leaning too far over.

"My apologies, Domina." I said quickly.

"It is all right." She replied. "I too enjoy watching them."

"It is hard to resist." I stated, getting a sharp look from Naevia.

"Well, come, look closer." Domina said as she stood.

"I appreciate the opportunity, but I must respectfully decline." I told her, trying not to overstep my bounds.

"Come." Domina stated. "Naevia, you as well. I don't mind sharing the sight of the prizes of the house."

Moving forward tentatively, Naevia and I stood on either side of our Domina, taking in the men below. I couldn't help the quiver of pleasure that ran through me. A need rising in me that was begging to be quenched. Unable to help the small smile that crept onto my face, I put my hands on the railing, my eyes moved from gladiator to gladiator, trying to memorize them, wanting to be able to recall them in my dreams.

"The legends of Capua." Domina smiled. "They surely are a sight to behold."

"Yes, Domina." I said barely audible through my continuous awe.

"Just the sight of them makes me burn." She stated, her eyes lingering on Crixus's large form.

The gladiator, a Gaul, was nothing like the others. His body was of pure muscle, his face as beautiful as it was fierce. He was the Champion of Capua and had the highest standing of the ludus. He was magnificent. Looking toward the balcony, Crixus's gaze lingered on his master with wanting eyes, before seeing them move Naevia. He glanced at me before moving back to Naevia. Domina only stood a few minutes before moving back into the villa, meaning that we too were to leave the balcony. Sighing, I looked at Naevia, giving the gladiators one last look before we followed our Domina. Now that she had been fed and entertained, it was time for a bath, a task that always took a long while. Standing on the sidelines of the pool, I averted my eyes out of respect, not caring to watch all the nudeness in the pool in front of me. No matter how common a scene it was.

"Lea?" Domina said gently.

"Domina?" I replied.

"My husband will be back from market soon. Make sure there is wine and food prepared for him."

"Of course, Domina." I said and took my leave of the room.

My bare feet made little sound on the ground as I moved through the villa. Turning a corner, I took a sharp intake of air as I ran into a hard chest. Looking up, my eyes met those of Ashur.

"My apologies." I told him with a small smile, making to move around him, only to have him stay in my path. Meeting his eyes again, I frowned at the expression on his face. "I am on orders from Domina." I stated.

"You must have a few minutes to spare." He whispered with a half-smile that sent chills down my spine.

"Dominus will be back any minute and I must prepare for his return." I told him coldly.

The look in his eyes was dangerous. For whatever reason, Dominus and Domina trusted him. But I took him for a rat that was waiting for the opportune moment to show himself for who he really was. He stared at me for a moment longer before he stepped aside. Moving past him, I could still feel the weight of his gaze on me. Moving swiftly, I went to the kitchen, relieved to be in the company of others.

"Are you alright?" Persephone, another slave, asked me.

"Of course." I smiled at her.

"You seem shaken." She added.

"I am fine." I stated, my tone telling her to let it go.

She simply smiled and continued polishing the silver, making sure it shined. Gathering what I needed, I put together as small spread of fruit, cheese, and bread, placing it next to a goblet of wine. As soon as it was done, I returned to Domina, letting her know that it was complete.

"I'm sure it's as lovely as the one you put together for me." She grinned.

"Of course, Domina." I told her.

"Thank you, Lea." She replied. "Now come, let's walk the villa."

Following our master, we walked through the house. Domina would periodically adjust something, or move something to a different table. She'd stop and admire the artwork on the wall. Then she'd turn and bark orders at the slaves as they passed by. All the while, Naevia and I trailed behind her, fulfilling her every whim. We ended in her quarters, looking at all the stolas she owned. She put some in different piles, others she smiled at as if remembering a memory from when she wore it. When she finally put everything away she turned to us.

"Go make yourselves busy." She said lazily. "I am going to retire for a while."

"Domina." We both said in unison, bowing our heads before we left her.

Moving through the villa, we returned to the little room that we shared. Falling backward on my cot, I closed my eyes, enjoying the silence and the small feeling of freedom, knowing it would be gone in a moment. Before long our names would be called and we'd once again return to our Domina's side.

"What happened?" Naevia asked softly.

"What do you mean?" I retorted as I opened my eyes to meet hers.

"When you went to prepare for Dominus's return. Something happened, didn't it?"

"Ashur." I told her and sighed.

"He watches you often." She stated.

"You as well." I pointed out. "It would seem that both of us have caught his eye."

"I'd rather have anyone other than him watching." She said softly with a sad frown.

"Me as well." I replied as I put my hand out toward her.

Taking it, she smiled as I squeezed it reassuringly. Standing up, I straightened my dress before going to the doorway.

"Where are you going?" Naevia frowned.

"For a walk." I replied.

"Don't go down there again." She told me.

"I can't help it. My blood rises at the sight of every one of them."

"You act like you've never seen them before every time new ones arrive." She scolded.

"I am a woman after all." I smirked at her.

"You are something." She finally smiled.

Moving from the room, I made my way to the bowls of the ludus, knowing well what I was risking by lingering in places I shouldn't. But I had become a shadow. I knew every crevice of the ludus and knew how to keep myself hidden. I had become quite good at it after years of playing games as a young child. Smirking at myself, I moved down the steps, stopping at the gate to the gladiators' cage. Even the smell of the men made me quiver in all the right places. Sitting against the bars, I simply listened to them. Listened to them quarrel and fight. Listened to their voices rise and fall. Pulling my dress up past my thighs, I put my hand between my legs, my fingers feeling for the sweet spot. Closing my eyes, I listened as I started to rub myself, feeling the pulse of pleasure start to rise. I was just about to push my fingers inside of me when there was the sound of something metal hitting metal. Disappearing behind hanging fabric, I attempted to disappear. But the footsteps that I heard were too familiar and I knew that there was no hiding from them.

"What are you doing down here?" A deep voice asked. I remained silent. "I know you are there, Lea."

Sighing, I moved into sight of the dark skinned man. "Doctore."

"I asked you a question." He demanded. Lowering my head, I was too ashamed to answer him. He nodded as if he already knew the answer. "You know you shouldn't be down here."

"I know." I replied sheepishly.

"Return to your quarters. I can only assume Domina is resting if you're down here." He said eyeing me, though his expression remained softer then it usual was.

"Yes, Doctore." I told him with a bow of my head, turning and moving back up the stairs.

"Lea." He said stopping me. Turning, I met his eyes. "Be careful. Domina would not appreciate you coming down here."

"I will." I told him before making my way back to my quarters.

I was embarrassed but knew that he hadn't seen anything. Finding Naevia in the gathering space, we exchanged a smile as I took a rag and started to help my sister clean, occupying our time before Domina woke. Once that happened we would once again be on the move to please her. It was easier than you would think. We really were lucky to have found masters who were kinder then most and treated their slaves with decency. We weren't run into the ground and we were healthy. Something that others weren't as fortunate to possess. Despite that, our daily life as a slave was nothing glamorous. A lot of standing and waiting, doing everything we were told. Your life depended on how happy you made your masters. We had succeeded so far. But I had to be careful that I didn't ruin it. As the years went by, restlessness was starting to take over. Doing the same thing over and over again was draining. All I wanted was to do something different. I needed a change of pace. Something to keep me moving. Something to make it seem like life was yet worth something other than following orders and bowing before others. Naevia helping my elevation sated me for now. But I knew there was more to life and I wanted to taste it. Wanted to know what it was like to lounge in fancy gowns and feast on salted pork and a never ending supply of strawberries. Every night before I fell asleep, I vowed that I would one day know what that felt like. I would be free and would rise higher than anyone would think possible. I was strong enough. Naevia would be with me and together we would rule our own house of free slaves, helping those who cannot help themselves. It was a bold dream, but one that deserved to be seen through, whether I succeeded or not.


	3. Temptation

_**Chapter Three: Temptation**_

Come morning, I was awoken early, hardly any sleep being had. Domina had asked that I see to the preparations for Glaber's visit. I knew I couldn't disappoint and immediately set myself to the task at hand. Several times I could hear the practice swords and yells from the men that were just feet away from me. Keeping myself busy, I refused to linger on any sounds from them that met my ears. I would keep my distance. I would do what was expected of me. I would please my sister.

"No, strawberries." I repeated when I was given the news, attempting to keep my voice even. "How many times do I have to tell you?" I shot at one of the house slaves. "Domina relishes strawberries."

"But we have none." Lamantha told me.

"No excuses." I told her. "They are a constant in this house and now you're telling me that there is none."

"I am sorry." She replied and bowed before me.

"Where's Ashur?" I asked.

"I am here, Lea." He grinned as he came into sight.

"I am in need of your assistance." I told him.

"I never thought I'd hear you say those words." He said and leaned in for a kiss.

"Not in that way." I corrected him.

"My services require something in return." He told me.

Knowing his meaning, I took his wrist, leading him where others would not see. "And what would you ask of me?"

"You wish to please Domina, yes?" He smiled.

"Do not state the obvious." I frowned at him, wanting to spit at his feet.

"I demand a kiss in return for whatever it is you are in need of." He told me.

For a moment I simply looked at him, and then made my decision. Pulling his face to mine, I kissed him deeply, my tongue playing with his as I gave him what he sought. He pressed his body against mine as our lips moved, letting the kiss linger for a moment longer before I pulled away, my hand still on the back of his head.

"You will procure what I need?" I asked him.

"As many strawberries as I can get, my lady." He replied with a smile and a bow.

"I thank you, Ashur." I told him, kissing him lightly without my eyes ever leaving his.

He stepped away from me with a pleasant grin on his face. If a few kisses was all it took to keep him at bay and keep my Domina happy I would do it. Naevia would be displeased but Ashur was the least of our worries. If I had my heart's desire, Ashur would be the last on the list. He was nothing but a mongrel. One best well fed. My only concern was Domina. Nothing else.

"You are eager to please today." Naevia stated when we had a moment alone.

"I am eager to make sure Domina is pleased. Is that not my purpose?" I replied.

"I did not mean to offend. I was just pointing out that you seem overzealous." She told me.

"I am simply trying to keep my word to you." I retorted. "Domina asked me to see to the preparations and I will not disappoint her. She needs to please Glaber and his wife. I will see that it is done. I am good at arranging things."

"Yes you are." She said making me meet her eyes. "Gratitude."

"None of that yet." I told her. "First I have to succeed. Today is the day I begin anew. I will impress Domina and once again be in her favor without question of my intentions."

"That is enough for me to grant thanks to." She told me softly.

"No, I thank you." I replied and hugged her quickly before going to see to the wine supply for the evening.

The day was spent preparing for the evening's festivities. Little time to think of anything else but what was to come. I grasped the task with both hands, needed to be distracted from what I truly wanted to think about. Pushing any thought of him from my mind, I continued to try and focus on the task at hand. It did well as a distraction. The incompetence of those that surrounded me were enough to drive a person mad. Trying to get anything done was like trying to pry ones teeth from ones mouth. But it was the distraction that I needed. It kept my mind from wandering away from what was important. Domina and Dominus was all that mattered. I needed to remind myself of this and make it so. I would not let Domina down. I would please her to no ends if it was the last thing I did.

"Do you have them?" I asked Ashur the next time I saw him.

"Of course, my lady." He said with a bow. "I have delivered them to the cook."

"I hope you won't find it undeserving if I give you nothing more for your assistance." I told him.

"Of course not." He replied. "I've already received what I asked for."

"And you will receive nothing more." I stated. "Though I am grateful for your help."

"Feel free to call upon me again if the situation sees fit." He smiled before taking his leave.

I was grateful for his absence. He had gotten a taste. A taste was all that was needed. I knew he would be back for more. He wasn't the type of man to take a taste and then leave the rest. He'd want all that I could offer. Something he was willing to take. Only he did not know what I was capable of. I would stop him from any advance outside of my control. If he attempted to lay hands on me then he would learn the meaning of pain. I may not know as much as he, but I would fight till the end. No matter the cost.

"Lea." Domina said as she came into sight.

"Domina." I said quickly bowing.

"Everything looks remarkable." She said as she smiled upon everything I'd done thus far. "Glaber will have no choice but to be impressed."

"I do what I can, Domina." I told her.

"And more." She smiled.

"It pleases me to do as you ask."

"Then how can I be anything but pleased." She said as she stepped up to me.

"Your words make my heart sore." I told her with a bow of my head.

Another slave then stepped into the room, announcing that Glaber approached. Domina quickly saw to the final preparations, while Naevia and I did the same, separate from her side. When all was done, we stood several paces behind our Domina as she and Dominus greeted our guests. While Glaber immediately sought words with Spartacus, his wife Ilithyia and Domina shared words, learning each other's personalities as swiftly as possible. All the while, the only thing my ears could hear was the sound of the gladiators in the courtyard just feet away from me. However, it wasn't just my ears that were drawn to them. Soon Ilithyia moved to the balcony, looking out at them. Just the grin on her face made me long to behold them as well. Shutting my eyes, I recalled the images from the night before, molding them into sight to satisfy my longing. When Domina joined Ilithyia on the balcony, Naevia followed, staying near her. Thessela, Ilithyia's body slave, doing the same with her own. The slave girl was fiercely loyal to her Domina. Something that she and Naevia shared, leaving me lagging behind just slightly in that aspect. She turned and looked at me, a subtle frown on her face. Shaking my head, I looked toward the balcony before meeting her eyes again. Understanding moved across her face, giving me a subtle nod before turning back to Domina.

"Lea, wine." Domina spoke to me.

"Yes, Domina." I replied and quickly poured two goblets of wine, putting them on a tray before bringing it forward.

Attempting to keep my eyes from the men below, I held the tray out to Domina and her guest. Domina took the cup but Ilithyia's eyes remained glued on the men below. Unable to keep my gaze from them, I looked over the balcony. Seeing the one I craved made my cunt tingle. But then my eyes fell on Crixus. His eyes met those of Naevia, mine shooting to hers to take in her expression. She seemed indifferent though her eyes moved to him again as he turned away. Suddenly my needs were shadowed by the sight of trouble. She had warned me of my wandering eyes, only it was her who held the eyes of the most dangerous gladiator here. Domina would not allow such a thing to be. Not even a glance would be accepted. My thoughts had yet to cease when Glaber appeared, summoning his wife, they were to leave immediately for Rome. Thanking Domina for her hospitality, Ilithyia placed a kiss upon Domina's lips before following her husband from the villa. The small feast was wasted on the visit as they departed without another word.

Once they were out of sight, I was ordered to take down everything I had put up. I was slow to the task, relishing the silence it offered. The courtyard was quiet, leaving nothing more than my thoughts to distract me. Though my thoughts drifted in directions that surprised me. I had been so absorbed with my own selfish thoughts that I had missed something that was right in front of me. Something that could be nothing, but my sister would be made a hypocrite if she was keeping anything from me. I've always been forthcoming with her. Knowing that she could be trusted beyond any other person I knew. But in this moment, with one look, I thought her a liar. I only hoped that when confronted she would tell me different. Thoughts that stayed with me as I sought her out when we were unneeded for a short time.

"I have a worry." I told her quietly, though the concern was thick on my tongue.

"Then speak, sister, and tell me your thoughts." She replied with curiosity.

"I fear that you may be in the same position as I." I stated.

"Explain." She frowned.

"Whose eyes was it that was locked onto yours on the balcony?" I replied. She did not reply. "Even I could feel the weight of his gaze on you."

"Think nothing of it, Lea." She told me truthfully.

"It's hard to miss, the way his eyes beheld you." I retorted.

"And I care not." She shot at me. "It does not matter where his eyes fall. He belongs to Domina. I know my place."

"You say it as if I do not." I shot back at her.

There was a long pause before she spoke again, her tone soft, warm, and sad. "When did we become so at odds with each other?"

"I do not know." I told her, my tone also softening. "When did we grow up?" I smiled at her, lightening the mood, gaining a smile from her. "What we see has changed. What we want has changed. It may be wrong but we are still human. We have the same emotions as the people who rule over us."

"Only we have no voice." She reminded.

"True. But Domina is unlike any other master. She cares for us more than other Dominas'."

"You speak truth, but even _she_ has her limits."

Growing silent, we were soon summoned to Domina's side, helping her prepare for what the night would bring. She in all her glory would have to stay as Dominus's side, for tonight was the final test for the gladiators. They had been given the skills to survive. Now they had to prove themselves worthy of further training, winning a chance to take part in the arena. If they passed they'd be marked with Batiatus's 'B', binding them to this house until death or debt paid, buying the fresh air of freedom. For most, death will come far sooner than any hope of freedom. A hope that will soon be extinguished as they watch those around them fall and their will beaten out of them like the animals they were seen as.

As soon as the sun was set, torches were lit, a gentle light illuminating the courtyard. A small stage was erected that the gladiators would fight upon. They would be paired with the more experienced of the men, fighting to the death or until Dominus decided they had proved themselves. Naevia and I stood just a few steps behind Domina as she and Dominus stood at the balcony overseeing the ordeal. The gladiators were in clear sight as they stood in an arch around the stage so all could witness what transpired. My eyes once again moved to a single man. He held himself strong, the look on his face determined, set on the task at hand. He was perfectly toned, his jawline chiseled, the epitome of beauty with his curly blond hair and blue eyes. Eyes that even from where I stood held me as none ever had, even when they weren't looking upon me. A small smile graced my lips for the briefest of moments as I took him in. Varro was his name. Beautiful. Though his name could have been anything and it would not matter. He was beautiful.

Curiously looking to Crixus, I once again saw his eyes linger on Naevia. An attraction had been made and it seemed it wasn't fleeting. She met his eyes but didn't keep them, she knew better, but I could already see the wanting in her eyes. She was feeling the same thing that I was. And my heartstrings were pulling as I watched Varro climb up onto the platform, Gnaeus climbing up the other side, swords and shields in hand. They faced each other, the look of determination on their faces. Though Gnaeus looked cocky, making me worry for Varro's safety.

"Be still." Naevia said stepping next to me.

Smiling at her, I nudged her gently before looking back at the two men as the sound of the fight started. Varro had thrown the first blow and several that followed. Gnaeus was letting him tire before he started his own assault. Varro fought back, laying blows as often as he could. It took all of me to stay in place when his sword was hit from his hand. Using his shield, he defended himself against Gnaeus as he continuously brought his sword down on top of it. Naevia went as far to grip my wrist as I tensed at the sight.

"Cease!" Batiatus said raising his hands. "Varro has stood to a draw. The test is passed."

A sense of relief filled me as I watched him, grin and all, climb from the platform. Looking at Naevia, I smiled, knowing that he would live to fight another day. Barca and Marcus went next, the fight ending quickly with Barca taking Marcus's life. It was hard to watch, yet blood and death was a part of my life. Something seen more often than not.

"Crixus. Spartacus. Positions." Doctore called next.

It was Naevia's turn to look anxious. Spartacus had single-handedly defeated four men in the arena. However, Crixus was the Undefeated Gaul, a champion. He was, by far, the stronger fighter. He would undoubtedly win. I could tell that it would be to my sister's liking if he did.

Spartacus was strong but still no match for Batiatus's champion. Crixus was quick to bring Spartacus to his knees, forcing him onto his back. Crixus was all about the show, making the fight what everyone wanted to see. A drawn out murder. It appeared the victor was Crixus, when Spartacus pulled something out from under him, causing Crixus to fall from the platform, landing hard on his back. Dropping next to him, Spartacus pulled back his sword, ready to spill the Gaul's blood, when Dominus stopped him, ending the fight and giving Spartacus a pass for the test. Spartacus recognized our master as Dominus, a pleasing look crossing Batiatus's face. It was clear that some deal had been struck and Spartacus had just accepted it. I knew not what it was but I knew that it could only mean a gain for the house…Spartacus's loyalty.

"That went well." Dominus said when it was all over, turning back inside.

"Yes indeed." Domina smiled, following her husband.

"Send one of your slaves to assist in tending the men." He told her.

My heart skipped a beat at hearing his words. Wanting to be chosen for the task. Longing for a moment to see Varro face to face. I was afraid my expression gave me away when Domina looked at me, her eyes lingering for a long moment.

"Lea, the guards will take you down below and lead you to Doctore. Tell him that you are to help the Medicus." Domina finally told me.

"Domina." I said, bowing before being lead to Doctore.

"What do you need?" The dark man asked when I stepped up to him.

"I was sent to help tend to the gladiators." I replied.

He eyed me suspiciously before saying, "Come."

Following him into the bowls of the ludus, he led me to the Medicus's chambers where the wounded were sitting and waiting to be tended.

"What is she doing here?" Medicus asked Doctore.

"She was sent to assist you." He replied.

"What does she know about tending to the wounded?" He shot at him.

"Far more than you think." I answered for him. "I am more skilled then probably yourself." I added with disdain. He was far from likable in my eyes.

"You speak with a false tongue." He frowned at me. I simply raised my brow at him. "We shall see." Medicus frowned at me, tuning away.

"Be careful." Doctore told me. "Your tongue may be your undoing."

"It's not the first time I've heard that." I smiled at the careful man.

"And I foresee that it will not be the last." He said with a subtle bow of his head.

"It is a good thing I have you to keep an eye on me." I added. He winked at me with the most subtle of smiles a rarity in itself.

Turning away from him, I was abruptly halted as my hands met flesh, not seeing the man behind me. About to apologize, I looked up to see the blue eyes of the man I had so longed to meet. His hands gripped my arms to steady me from the impact, his eyes meeting mine, looking with such softness I could hardly believe that he had looked so vicious before. Opening my mouth to say something, I found that no sound would come out. He smiled a half smile that made me go weak in the knees. Keeping his hands on my arms, he released my eyes as he moved and sat on one of the tables, before his hands fell away from me.

"Apologies." I said quickly tucking my hair behind my ear.

"None needed." He smiled.

Fetching a bowl of warm water and a rag, I took to cleaning his wounds. They were minor, but now that he had passed the test he was able to embrace the full favors of the house. Gently trailing the damp rag across his skin, I couldn't help but feel the heat rise in my cheeks, especially when his eyes lingered on my face as I lifted his chin with the side of my hand, tending to a cut upon his brow.

"You will not require any stitching. It will heal nicely." I told him, gently touching the open wound.

"Good." He smiled.

Gently bowing my head, I continued on to the other wounds that covered his body. I couldn't help the occasional graze of my fingers against his flesh. Running my fingers across the red areas on his skin. Taking deep breaths as to remember his scent. When I could no longer prolong our encounter, I stepped away from him, taking him in.

"It is done." I smiled at him.

"Gratitude." He smiled, standing. "What is your name?" He asked.

"Lea." I replied, a fluttering in my stomach.

"Varro." He smiled with a slight bow of his head. "It was a pleasure."

Smiling, I couldn't form words as he turned and left the room. Sitting where he had just been, I had to take several deep breaths to calm my racing heart. One encounter, the smallest conversation, had further woken the feelings inside of me. Feeling eyes on me, I helped tend the other men, Spartacus and Crixus not among them. I had hoped to meet Varro, my hope answered, leaving me as happy as any slave could be.

"I may have been mistaken." Medicus told me as I readied myself to leave, cleaning the blood and dirt from my hands.

Smiling, I turned to him, handing him the towel when he stepped up to me, "Gratitude."

"You were a great help. I will tell Dominus the same." He said though it sounded slightly forced. No man wanted to prove a woman right.

"Again, gratitude." I told him. "My mother taught me well."

"Agreed." He told me. "I may find need of you again in the future."

Smiling, I gave a subtle bow before taking my leave. Returning to my quarters, Naevia sat waiting for me, standing as soon as I entered the room. Smiling, I quickly sat next to her, taking her hands in mine.

"Were you lucky enough to meet him?" She smiled.

"And able to touch his flesh." I grinned at her. "He's tall. Just tall enough that'd I'd have to rise onto my toes to kiss him so he wouldn't have to bend to meet me." I told her as my imagination ran wild. "He is more marvelous in person then he is from the height of the balcony."

"I can see your heart swells toward him." She told me with a worried smile, "As well as your imagination."

"Do not fear." I told her. "The likelihood of me ever being that close to him again is slim to none, without the eyes of our masters on us."

"I fear for your safety if anything should happen." She told me with a soft smile. "I only wish the best for you."

"As I you." I smiled. "I once again saw Crixus's eyes upon you."

"He does not know what he sees." She said averting her eyes.

"He knows beauty when he sees it." I smiled, catching her eyes again.

"We should sleep." She told me. "Morning will come all too soon."

Nodding at her, we took to our beds; happy dreams filling my mind as sleep quickly took me. Dreaming of secret encounters. Of passion. Of feeling love from the man that made my heart skip a beat.

* * *

Chapter three! I hope you enjoyed it! Feel free to leave a review! (=


	4. Ever Seeking

_**Chapter Four: Ever Seeking**_

Waking in the morning with a smile on my face, I'd once again dreamt of the man I so longed for. Days had passed but my mind was still fresh with the sight, touch, and smell of Varro. I knew it was wrong to have such a longing, but I could not help it. The time spent watching him train, the same half smile crossing his face as he grew close to Spartacus, the same smile that filled my dreams.

Getting up, I lifted myself onto the tip of my toes, stretching before making myself ready for the day. Naevia and I put our hair up in braids before going and tending to Domina. Seeing her bathed and her hair made perfect atop her head. Following her to breakfast and then to the balcony to join her husband as they watched the men train. I had gained prowess at keeping my distance from the balcony railing but still positioned myself to watch the man I so craved. Ever to the distaste of Naevia. She understood, but her worry for me much outweighed her understanding. But my longing was too fervent for me to ignore. At times I hated myself for it. Other times all I wanted was to release it. Even now, choosing her attire for the reception, I couldn't help the smile on my face. It was never ending.

"Does she like the hair?" I asked Naevia as she came into Domina's chambers.

"She loves it." Naevia replied. "She and Dominus are sharing a tender moment over it as we speak." She added with a smile.

Laughing, I shook my head before turning my attention back to my task. "This reception is too important to take any missteps." I said laying out a stola.

"Perfect, Lea." Domina said coming in.

"I try, Domina." I smiled at her before motioning toward the bureau. "I have placed several sets of jewelry for you to choose from."

She nodded, moving back and forth in front of my selections. A frown crossed her face before she turned to me. "None of these will do." She replied. "Send word for a new selection be brought to me."

"As you wish, Domina." I said and turned from the room.

Knowing who I'd have to deal with, I took my time, trying not to take too much time. When I found Ashur, the only perk was knowing that I'd have to go down into the training area to get him. Knowing I'd get even a glimpse was enough to ask something of the man that I hated. Two soldiers accompanied me, waiting at the bottom of the stairs, nodding at Doctore as he stepped up to me.

"I'm looking for Ashur." I told him.

"For what purpose?" Doctore asked with furrowed brows.

"Domina is in need of his services." I replied.

Nodding, Doctore led me through the tables of gladiators, dog whistles following me as I kept my eyes on Doctore's back. As much as I was fascinated with them, I knew there was a right to fear them. They weren't known for their gentleness with woman and their needs were basic, yet unsatisfied more often than not. Just as the thought moved through my mind, my hand was grasped and I was jerked, my body being whipped around, slamming into a toned chest. Looking up, it was Gnaeus, an evil grin crossing his face. There was enough time for fear to seep into me before his hand was grabbed, bent awkwardly, and his body was shoved away from me. A hand was placed on my back, causing me to look up and see Varro, a frown on his face as he glared after Gnaeus.

"Gratitude." I told him, instantly feeling safer in his presence.

"My pleasure." He smiled with his hand still on my back.

"Varro." Doctore's voice filled the room.

"Doctore." Varro said as he looked up at him.

"I'll take her from here." The dark man nodded at him, a small smile on his face. Varro nodded before returning to his seat across from Spartacus. "Come." Doctore said before his own hand found my back, a wave of protection moving over me before I was in front of Ashur. "State your business quickly." He told me.

Nodding, I turned to Ashur, speaking in kind. "Domina is need of new jewelry and has asked that you fetch the merchant for her."

"Am I to do a woman's job now?" Ashur laughed.

"Your Domina demands it of you and you will obey." I told him, my tone now cold and authoritative.

For a moment I thought he would retaliate in some manner, but Doctore must have silenced him for his eyes were upon his mentor. Looking back at me, he nodded, making his way toward the gates.

"You should return to the villa." Doctore said as he motioned me back the way we had come.

Making a quick exit, I returned to Domina's chambers, letting her know that her command will be done. It took no time at all for the merchant to arrive. I was grateful for the distraction. Some days it felt as if there were too many hours in the day with not nearly enough tasks to fill it. Standing behind Domina on the balcony, I watched as she had Naevia try on various necklaces. I half wished that it was me being able to adorn my neck with such treasure. However, Naevia was more beautiful than I. It was no wonder why Domina had chosen her. It was also because Naevia was her most favored slave. I was always in her shadow. A place that I had no issue with being in. She was always being watched closer than I. Leaving me time ample time to seek what I wanted and even more time to prevent myself from acting on it.

"It's beautiful." I smiled as she tried on a lavish white opal necklace. The smile on Naevia's face told me that she too favored it.

"Too common." Domina told the man. "Show me something of note."

"A moment." He said turning back to his case of jewels, pulling forth an extravagant emerald necklace. "I have just the thing. My finest piece – a flawless gem imported at great cost from the mines of Scythia."

He handed it to Naevia who put it around her neck. The gold and gems shining in the sunlight. Domina was clearly enticed, sitting forward, pushing the strip of fabric from Naevia's shoulder, allowing the dress to fall to her waist. Naevia didn't even blink as she kept her eyes forward. Wanting to show discretion, I looked away, deciding it was a good moment to look at the training men below. I simply watched momentarily before noticing familiar eyes lingering on my sister. It was a look of wanting. It was a shame that she didn't feel anything for him. The love of a gladiator like that would be a wonderful thing to possess. Then I noticed other eyes on me. Meeting them, I couldn't help the flush that came to my cheeks. Attempting to hide it, I kept his gaze only a moment before looking away, butterflies fluttering in my stomach. Daring to glance back at him, his eyes were no longer upon me, deflating some of my frivolity.

"How much?" Domina asked.

"30 denarii." The merchant replied. I knew it too steep a price for Domina to accept.

"30?" She replied with raised brows. "This piece – is it something that Ilithyia would favor?"

"It's the only piece I'd show her." He replied with certainty. "She has very refined tastes."

Domina looked pleased with his response. "25."

"29."

"28." She replied, her tone assertive. "And I'll resist pitching you off the balcony."

"28 then." He replied.

She eyed him with a slight smile and a raised brow. Standing, she led the man inside to complete the purchase. Following her, I paused when I realized that Naevia was not behind me. Turning, I saw her eyes lingering below the balcony, her dress yet to be pulled up. Frowning slightly, she turned and quickly put the strap back onto her shoulder before she caught up with us. Standing in the doorway we waited for the purchase to be made.

"What are you thinking?" I asked her in hushed tones.

"What do you mean?" She replied.

"I saw you. You allowed him to look at you. You're giving him false hope." I told her.

"It was one look." She shot at me.

"And you were the one telling me to be careful." I retorted.

"Nothing will come of it." She snapped.

Not believing her, I frowned until Domina turned to us, smoothing my expression so she would not suspect. As soon as the merchant was gone, she walked to her chambers before turning and looking at Naevia.

"Fetch Crixus." She commanded.

"Domina." Naevia bowed and left the room.

"Lea, come do something with my hair." She told me turning and sitting on a chair.

"Domina." I said and took the wig from her head, replacing it with another.

Gently taking the strands of hair down from where they were pinned. Soon it was all flowing down her back, a beautiful shade of red. Her favorite. Helping her from her clothes, she took a thin robe, pulling it on and fastening it loosely in the middle.

"You can go now." She told me.

"Domina." I bowed before leaving the room, stopping as I saw Crixus and Naevia. She looked upset, motioning him toward Domina's chambers. "Naevia." I said softly, stepping forward, hooking my arm through hers as I looked at Crixus. He just looked at us before stepping away, disappearing into Domina's chambers. "What was that about?" I asked Naevia as we walked away.

"It was nothing." She told me too quickly.

"Naevia." I said shortly, gripping her arm and turning her to face me. "He is Domina's."

"It was nothing." She repeated with a cold tone, pulling from my grip and swiftly walking away from me.

Taking a deep breath, I walked in the opposite direction. She was the reasonable one. She wasn't supposed to get involved with them. Even I knew I shouldn't get involved. It didn't matter what we wanted. The only thing that mattered was the will of our masters. They and they alone were what we needed to worry about.

Finding myself on the balcony, the sun beating down, I watched the gladiators practice below me, my wanting diminished as concern set in for Naevia and what it would mean if Crixus's favor should turn from Domina to my sister. Realizing that I had been staring, deep in thought, I once again took in the men below me. My stomach fluttered slightly as I noticed Varro's eyes upon me, a slightly concerned look on his face. Giving him the subtlest of smiles, I could only imagine what expression on my face had brought on any concern from him. He looked away, though Spartacus's eyes lingered a moment more before returning to training with his friend. I continued to watch them as I tried to will myself to forget my feelings for the man below, turning it into concern for Naevia. She was now at a greater risk than I. Soon Naevia appeared at my side. For a moment we were quiet, watching the men below. We watched as Spartacus picked a fight with Gnaeus, finding pleasure as the new comer wounded the man with his trickery, never laying a finger on him. He used his words and Gnaeus had taken the bait, now lying barely conscious on the ground. Both Naevia and I shared a small smile before noticing eyes upon us from the men below. Crixus looked upon Naevia with much longing.

"He's looking at you again." I commented as I looked in the opposite direction.

"I know." She replied.

"Do we need to discuss this?" I asked.

"Yes." She replied after a moment.

"Then come. We have little time before we must prepare for the reception." I told her, looking at Varro once more before turning back inside.

Leading the way to our room, I stepped up to our bowl of water, starting to clean my skin, even though it required very little. Waiting for her to start speaking, I finished before turning to face her. She was sitting on her bed, her hands in her lap, staring at them. Heaving a heavy sigh, I sat next to her.

"You feel for him, don't you?" I asked her.

"It's fleeting moments here and there." She replied.

"It doesn't take long for it to happen." I told her.

"I didn't believe you." She said meeting my eyes. "But it feels good."

"It does, doesn't it?" I grinned.

"But nothing can come of it." She stated standing and stepping up to the water.

"I know." I replied sadly. "Tonight won't help when we are all in the same room together."

"No, it will not." Naevia replied with the same tone.

"Only it's not just that is it?" I asked softly. She didn't reply. "I know you feel that what happened to Diona will also happen to one or both of us." She again didn't say anything. "It won't." I stated with certainty. "I won't allow it and neither with Domina. She saw what happened to Diona and she will not let it happen to either of us."

"I know." She replied softly, turning and giving me a small smile.

We spoke very little after that. We prepared ourselves before going and tending to Domina. I took leave and helped the house slaves be sure to have all the decorations in place. Double checked the kitchen to make sure their wishes were being done. It was a nice distraction. In just a few hours' time the gladiators would be lined up and we would all be mingling in the same room together. It was slightly nerve-racking to think about. But I knew that Domina would have us well distracted seeing to the guests. It was a big night. Then the Games would begin tomorrow and hopefully we would see elevation in the house of Batiatus. Elevation that would bring less worry and find our home a happier place, no matter our station.

Before I knew it the guests were arriving and I was ordered to see that their glasses never empty and that no quarrels be had. Naevia was the one to stay at her side all night. Despite my elevation to body slave, I was given a sense of freedom the others did not feel. I was trusted to see that no worry befalls my masters while they entertained the guests with talk. But as good a job as it sounded, far more responsibility came along with it and if anything went wrong, it would be my back that would see the end of a whip. Few others could argue that they had it any worse.

"How are you faring?" Naevia asked, quickly coming up behind me.

"I am feeling the strain of my responsibilities." I frowned at her.

"You are doing well." She said, quickly placing a kiss against my cheek before swiftly returning to Domina as Dominus began to address the crowd.

Soon the crowd grew quiet as Batiatus put his hands up, ready to address his guests. "Friends old and new, gratitude for honoring the storied ludus of Batiatus with your presence this eve. Tomorrow's vulcanalia promises many glories in the arena. But tonight may I present to you the finest gladiators in all of the republic?" Crixus stepped forward and aimed his sword so the crowd knew where to look as the gladiators stepped out. "Look, touch, feel the quality of the stock. Place orders for any of the men you covet. Come, don't be bashful. They won't bite. And if they do a 10% discount." He told the crowd as several came forward to see and touch the gladiators as they stood in lines amongst the room.

I watched only a short while before I continued through the crowd making sure everyone had a glass in hand. I tried to make it a habit of not staying in one place long, not wanting to get any negative feedback from my masters. I was very focused on my task when my arm was gently grabbed.

"Perhaps you need a drink to calm your nerves." Ashur said softly in my ear.

"In this one matter I'd have to admit that you are right." I said without looking at him.

"Then please, slip away and join me for a glass or two." He said with a mischievous smile.

"Domina would not approve." I stated truthfully.

"She is preoccupied at the moment." He replied, the grip on my arm tightening.

"I have work to do." I told him through gritted teeth. My response only made his grip tighten further to the point of pain.

"I suggest you release her at once." A familiar voice said gripping Ashur's wrist. Looking up, I saw Varro. His eyes on Ashur, his jaw tight showing the seriousness of his words. Ashur simply smiled and released my arm before he walked away. "It would appear that you have caught the eye of a dangerous man." Varro said looking down at me.

"So it would seem." I replied as I followed him back to his spot in the line of gladiators.

"You may need to hide that." He commented, gently brushing his fingers across the reddened finger marks on my arm, leaving a trail of fire across my skin.

"It's nothing." I replied looking at it.

"Would it bother you if I keep an eye on you throughout the evening?" He asked. Looking at him oddly he added, "Just in case Ashur attempts anything else."

"I would appreciate the extra set of eyes. I have enough responsibilities tonight to have to add Ashur to them." I told him with a small smile.

"Then it is done." He replied with that half smile that made me weak.

"Gratitude, Varro." I told him. "I did not expect such a kind gesture from a gladiator."

"I am still a man." He smiled. "And I chose to be here. Which means I am more man than beast."

"That's good." I replied with a smile.

Leaning forward, he put his lips near my ear, "And I still know how to treat a woman."

Smiling further, I felt my cheeks flush, looking up at him. "I am very pleased to hear that." I told him gently, my face mere inches from his. His smile grew as he straightened. "I should focus on our guests."

"I'll be watching." He smirked as I started to walk away. Moving around them, I paused looking back at him.

"You shouldn't have spoken to her like that." I heard Spartacus tell his friend.

"Why not?" Varro asked.

"You have a wife and son. Giving the girl false advances will only cause her pain."

"It meant nothing. Lea is a nice girl and I can't help it if I feel the need to protect a beautiful woman."

"Always the gentleman." Spartacus smiled at his friend.

Despite the news of a wife and son, the compliment was not lost on my ears. It was probably a blessing that he was a taken man. It would make the temptation that much less knowing that there was another woman out there waiting for him. Whoever she was she was a lucky woman.

"Everything is going quite well, Lea." Domina told me as I ordered more wine be brought.

"Yes, Domina." I told her, looking around the room for anyone in need.

"Relax." Domina smiled. "Get a glass of wine and retire to your chambers for a moment."

"Gratitude, Domina." I bowed before swiftly turning away from her.

Getting a glass of wine, I quickly moved to my room. Sitting on my bed I took a sip of the wine, closing my eyes, letting it sit on my tongue several moments to savor the taste before swallowing it. After, I couldn't help but swallow the rest in one large gulp. Keeping my eyes closed, I took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. Varro's face appeared behind my eyes, making me open them again. Standing, I took another deep breath before going back out into the crowd of people. I once again sought to make sure everything was in order, only finding happy people and calm slaves. Everyone was relishing the sight of the gladiators. Only one was missing. My stomach lurched involuntarily as my eyes darted to find Varro. He wasn't the only one not in sight. Domina and Ilithyia as well seemed to be absent. Something was happening. I probably didn't want to know. Deciding that it was time to quench the thirst of the gladiators, I told Lamantha and Persephone to accompany me as we gave them a quick ration of water.

"Here." I told Spartacus, holding up the small cup of water.

"Gratitude." He replied taking it. Lingering a moment, I wanted to say more but couldn't think of anything else to say to him. I gave him a small smile as he handed the cup back, ready to move on when he spoke to me. "He has a wife and son." Spartacus told me gently.

"Nothing will come of it." I smiled gently at him.

"He is a good man." He added.

"I've noticed." I replied. "Are you?" I asked. He didn't say anything. "I don't know why you're here. All I know is that you fought and you fought bravely. Which means you must be fighting for something. A wife?" He nodded. "Then I can understand that every move you make is to bring yourself closer to her."

"You see much." He replied with furrowed brows.

Laughing lightly, I nodded at him, "I spend all my time watching. One tends to pick up on things when you're only allowed to stand and watch."

"The life of a slave." He stated sadly.

Smiling sadly, I was going to go on when Dominus appeared at my side. "Dominus." I said bowing.

"I think you've taken up enough of the Thracian's time." He smiled.

"Apologies." I said bowing again.

"Why don't you go see to the guests?" He told me, a smile still on his face.

"Of course, Dominus." I replied, bowing a third time before walking away from him.

Once I was sure that every guest had been taken care of, I stood at the sidelines, watching for anyone in need. All the while, I couldn't help but look for Varro. He was taken somewhere by Domina and I could only imagine what she was making him do. When he finally walked back into the room, he was sweaty, a slight flush in his cheeks, the corners of his mouth turned down. His eyes met mine only it seemed as if he was avoiding my gaze. Frowning, I kept to my task, knowing that now was not the time to question what had transpired. It was none of my business. Finding it difficult to keep my eyes off of him, I watched as he talked with Spartacus, telling him something that the Thracian did not want to hear. Moving closer to them, curiosity getting the better of me, I was eager to hear what they were saying. Only before any more words could be shared we were stopped by Dominus's voice once again addressing the crowd, speaking of the gladiators that would be in the primus. He had announced Crixus's name about to say Gnaeus's when Spartacus threw himself at Crixus. A fight broke out; Dominus was going to stop it only to have Ilithyia yell for them to be allowed to fight. The crowd was taking pleasure in it. Being pushed forward, I saw something fall from Crixus's person, swiftly picking it up and shoving it back into the front of his guise. They fought only a few moments more before Dominus shouted 'enough'. The other gladiators came forward and tore their brothers apart, the two yelling at each other as they attempted to get at one another like rabid dogs. Looking around the room, I could tell that the crowd favored what they just saw. The fight had forced Batiatus's hand. Instead of Gnaeus's name it was now Spartacus's that came out of his mouth for who was to face the Undefeated Gaul. Spartacus smiled at Varro, who smiled back, even though the look on his face after said that he wasn't thrilled about what his friend had done.

Swiftly moving to Varro's side, I gripped his wrist. "Rein him in." I told him forcefully.

"And how do you suggest I do that?" He shot back at me. "He only brings trouble down on both our heads."

"He's going to bring more than that if he doesn't stop trying to elevate himself so quickly. He needs to work for it. He can't get it by force." I stated.

"Then perhaps you should talk to him. You have a way with words." He told me.

"I doubt that." I replied and before he could respond they were being ushered out of the room.

The guests finished their drinks and started to filter out of the villa. Soon it was only the residents of the house left. Our masters, however, were fuming with anger. I was dismissed, Domina too upset to need more than Naevia there to assist her. Though I knew Domina was more worried about Crixus than anything else. Instead of going to our quarters, I went down to the entrance to the gladiators.

"Varro." I said softly, only when a gladiator came it wasn't Varro. "Crixus." I said as I stepped away from the bars. He simply looked at me. "I wasn't looking for you." I told him, wrapping my arms around myself.

"The blond is in a cell with the dog." He stated.

"Don't talk about them like that." I retorted.

He was quiet for a moment. "What of Naevia?"

"What of her?" I asked, defensiveness entering my voice.

"Is she well?" He asked me.

"I will not answer any of your questions." I stated coldly. "You aren't as good a man as some may think."

"I am a gladiator. I am not supposed to be good." He replied.

Looking at him a moment longer, I turned and walked away. Returning to my quarters, Naevia was still absent. She must yet be with Domina. I hoped her temperament had changed. Lying down, my mind went through everything that had happened this evening. Good and bad things happened but it felt like it was all worthwhile. As if something had come of it that just hadn't shown itself yet. I just hoped tomorrow brought more good. We could all use a little more light in our lives.


	5. Closer

_**Chapter Five: Closer**_

Come morning, the villa was alive with preparations for the games. Dominus and Domina's spirits were lifted. Solonius's gladiators were absent the games, Batiatus's house would raise supreme on this day. Only with all the good that was on the horizon, there was also worry. Even though I knew there was little to worry about. Varro was to fight first in the games. I knew it displeased him. It was a position for the inferiority of gladiators, even though he was anything but inferior. He was simply new to the arena and his potential will be seen as soon as he took to the sands. Although these thoughts were anything but comforting. My heart hurt for him, thinking of what might happen.

"Do not fear." Naevia told me as we worked side by side.

"I should fear for you." I retorted. "If Crixus shows his favor for you, it will be you who will face the consequences. As much as she loves her husband, a part of her also loves Crixus. You getting in the middle of that is going to be the end of you."

"I know." She told me sadly.

"Do you?" I asked. "I can see the look in your eyes that is telling me different. I will not lose you to this."

"You won't." She replied.

"Then please do not do anything foolish." I told her with a worried tone.

"Will you promise the same?" She retorted. I simply looked at her, unable to promise anything. "When you promise me, I'll promise you."

"Then we're both in trouble." I smiled at her.

She smiled back. "Come, we should return to Domina."

"Agreed." I replied and we both hurried to our masters chambers.

Before no time we were in the carriage, on our way to the arena. Even I was able to join them this time, which was a blessing, even though having to watch Varro in the arena would prove difficult. I hated the fact that he had to fight. But he was trained by the most skilled and respected of men. He would survive and I would yet have my chance to get to know him.

"I am sensing your anxiousness." Naevia told me.

"Yours as well." I smiled.

"At least yours will be over quickly." She smiled back.

"A blessing in itself." I said nudging her.

Even at the back of the pulvinus we could see well into the arena. I had to force myself to take deep breaths as the Games were announced. The voices were muffled in my ears as I watched the gates open and the first two gladiators stepped out from opposite sides. Taking another deep breath, letting it out slowly, I watched as Varro took to the sands.

Watching him take his stance, sword and shield in hand, I gripped Naevia's wrist to help steady myself. I was already in agony just imagining what might happen to him. He wasn't the first to make a move. The other gladiator took the first swing, making Varro lean back to avoid the blade. Soon they were dancing around each other. Swing after swing. Blow after blow. It was horrifying to watch and yet I couldn't bring myself to blink throughout the fights entirety, afraid I would miss something. Blood was being spilt and I could only watch. For a moment I thought the worst when Varro was struck across the face, a string of blood flowing from him as he fell to the sand. My heart skipped - threatening to stop - as I watched his opponent's sword begin to come down upon him. Holding my breath, I didn't release it until he rolled out of harm's way, rising to his feet as he swung with such speed and accuracy. A smile moved across my face as the other gladiator's head was severed, rolling away from his body. Varro took a moment to gather himself before he raised his arms in victory. Trying to hide my relief and happiness, I looked at Naevia.

"He's okay." She smiled at me, taking my hand.

Nodding at her, I took a deep breath, feeling happy. The rest of the games mattered not. All I could think about was Varro, wanting to know how badly he was injured. _Needing_ to know. Though I was sure to pay attention when Crixus and Spartacus took to the sands. Naevia wore the same expression that I had. I never had a taste for the Games and now that men we cared about were a part of them, the thought of all the blood and wasted life made me sick to my stomach.

As I watched the fight start, Spartacus was under the impression that he was winning the fight. Crixus had yet to place a blow against the Thracian. However I knew better. Crixus was playing with him. Soon he would show his worth and Spartacus would find that he stood no chance against the Undefeated Gaul. The Thracian was too willful for his own good. I had a horrible feeling that it was not going to go well. I wished to see no harm befall neither Spartacus nor Crixus. Though it was clear that the Gaul was the more skilled and I had a feeling that he would best Spartacus quickly. Averting my eyes, unable to bear to watch them, I could hear the blows as they fought against each other. Could hear when flesh was cut. I didn't look up until Naevia gripped my wrist. When my eyes found them on the sand, Spartacus was on his back, Crixus's sword against his throat. The Gaul was looking up at the pulvinus, awaiting the command whether to gift life or death. Taking a small step forward, I beheld Spartacus's two fingers being held in the air in surrender. I could tell by the look on Dominus's face that this was the sign he was waiting for.

"Spartacus fought well." Batiatus told the crowd. "Let him live to fight another day. Grant him…life!" He called to the dismay of the crowd.

My breathing calmed, not realizing that my heart had been racing. The Games were over. Thank the Gods. I didn't think I could handle another round. Our masters spoke briefly, discussing the events of the Games, before we were finally on our way back home. It wasn't soon enough. After tending to Domina, we left her to rest, keeping ourselves busy tiding up the villa, before we took our leave in our quarters.

"That was horrible." I said lying on my bed.

"Agreed." Naevia replied with the back of her hands draped across her forehead. "I have no taste for the Games."

"Agreed." I told her. "I wish we could see to them."

"They're alive. We'll have to make do with that." She stated.

"Domina and Dominus are resting." I said sitting up so I could look at her.

"Lea." She said doing the same. "We cannot afford the risk."

"Please?" I asked.

"It's dangerous." She told me. "What if Ashur catches us?"

"I think we can outsmart him." I smiled at her.

"You're mad." She smiled back.

"But smart." I told her. "And you know you're as eager to see them as I am. I can get us through the gates. Domina has assigned me to help the Medicus from time to time. They will think nothing of it."

"It's too tempting." She whispered.

"Tempting enough for me to try." I said and stood. "Are you coming with me?"

"Yes." She said and we both quickly made our way through the villa, going down to the gates of the gladiators.

"What's your business here?" The guard asked.

"Domina has asked that I see to the tending of the men." I told him. He looked unconvinced. "If you wish to ask the Medicus yourself you can. He'll tell you that Domina has put me in charge of making sure they are tended to properly." He eyed me before opened the gates. "Gratitude."

Naevia clung to me as we were escorted to the Medicus. There were several gladiators in need of attendance, Varro included. As well as Spartacus and Crixus. Spartacus was currently being tended to by the Medicus.

"We're here to assist you." I told him.

The Medicus looked at me before waving at me with annoyance. "Fine."

Looking at Naevia, detaching her from my arm, I gently moved her in Crixus's direction. Gathering supplies, I handed her what she needed before going to Varro, unable to make my intentions any less clear. Wetting a cloth with water, I took his chin in my hands, gently wiping the blood from his face with the other. I was afraid to say anything. I didn't want to ruin this. Simply being this close to him, feeling his skin, was enough for me. Knowing that he was all right. Though the sight of him hurt made my mind move to what lay before him. More of this was all there was. More pain. More blood. More fear. More for me anyway. He seemed to enjoy the fight. After all, he was only here to settle his debts and then return to his wife.

"You look concerned." He told me, breaking the silence.

Meeting his blue eyes, I felt a shiver run through my body as I tried to relax my face. "Of course I'm concerned. Though I think I'm more relieved now."

"I saw your face in the pulvinus." He added. "Why did you come if you were going to have such a hard time watching?"

"I was there for support." I told him. "And what makes you think I had a choice?"

"Did you?"

"I could have convinced Domina to let me stay behind. But not being there to see it - not knowing immediately - would have been worse."

"Do I mean that much to you?" He asked with a slightly nervous tone to his voice.

Finishing with the blood on his face, I rewet the cloth before slowly moving it down his chest. "There's something about you, Varro." I told him.

"Meaning?" He asked.

"I am not sure yet." I smiled at him. "But I know that I don't want to see any harm come to you."

"You're not going to have a choice." He replied, moving his hand to cover mine.

Another shiver ran through me. "I know that." I told him, averting my eyes from his.

"I'm a better fighter than you think." He smiled, lowering his head to meet my eyes.

"I know you are." I told him quickly, meeting his eyes. "You are just as good as the other men. Doctore will see you well trained and you will best anyone they throw at you."

"You sound confident in your words."

Tentatively bringing my hand to his face, letting it hover a long moment before I placed it against his skin. "To see no harm come to you, it will be done." I told him softly, gently rubbing my thumb across his cheek.

For a moment time stopped. It was only he and I as we looked into each other's eyes. His smile faltered and I couldn't tell what he was thinking. As for me, without a doubt, I knew that I had found the man that I longed to be with. He was beautiful. Strong. Sculpted by the Gods. I wasn't sure he could see it in my eyes, but he gripped my hand that still lay against his chest, his other gently wrapping around my wrist.

The moment passed when he blinked several times, averting his eyes from mine as both his hands fell away from me. Sighing, I continued to clean the blood and dirt from his skin. After assessing his injuries, I found none that needed stitching. They were all superficial and would heal well on their own. It was a relief, even if he was no longer holding conversation with me. Something had passed between us and I had to remember that he had a wife and a son. A wife that he was very much in love with. I had no claim to him and knew that we would never be. If it were just moments like this that we were to share I would be all right with that. Just knowing that he was alive and well, even after he was outside these walls, would make me happy.

"There." I told him. "I am finished."

"Gratitude." He smiled up at me.

Gently putting my hand on his face, I smiled, "None needed."

Before anything else could happen, I turned away from him, going to another gladiator across the room. Tending to his wounds, I had to stitch a gash in his side, keeping me occupied long enough that I didn't see when Varro left the room. When I was finished, Spartacus still lingered at the doorway, watching me. Cleaning my hands, I met his eyes, knowing that a lecture was coming. Soon we were the only two in the room. The Medicus had sent Naevia away after the others had been tended to and now he was set to cleaning the room and restocking his supplies.

"Are you going to scold me again?" I asked him.

"No." He said. "I'm simply going to caution you that he is not available to you. You'd do yourself well to throw away your feelings now before you get hurt."

"Maybe I don't care if I get hurt." I told him.

"You will." He said and left the room.

For a moment I stayed before I rushed after him, "Spartacus." He turned and looked at me. "I know that you do not approve. But there is something about him that I cannot ignore or forget."

"Try." He told me.

"You're a good friend to look out for him this way." I stated.

"I'm not just looking out for him." He replied and turned away.

Sighing, I watched him till he was out of sight. Turning to go back to the gates, I came face to face with Crixus.

"Lea." He said with his husky voice.

"Crixus." I said only a twinge of nervousness set in.

"I wanted to thank you." He told me.

"For what?" I frowned up at him.

"For bringing Naevia down here with you." He replied. "It meant the world. Gave me hope."

Now I couldn't help the smile that crossed my face, my nerves now settled. "She is a sister to me. All I wish is for her happiness."

"I share your wish." He stated.

"Then see yourself safe in the arena and know that she cares for you despite herself and your relationship with our Domina." I told him.

"I shall never look at Domina the same."

"As you shouldn't. Naevia is by far a better sight to behold."

"You could not be more right." He said with a slight smile on his lips. "She barely said a word while she tended to me."

"She's afraid of what her affections will bring. You are Domina's. She understands this. It will take time for her to be brave enough to show anything toward you."

"Will you help me?" He asked.

"Only if you will help me." I replied. He looked at me questioningly. "Naevia is not the only one who feels for a gladiator."

"Who?"

Pausing, gaging his demeanor, I replied, "Varro." Understanding crossed his face. "If you keep watch over him, not allowing any major harm to befall him, you have my word that I will speak of you in favor to Naevia. If I nudge her, she will come to you. After all, she already desires it, though I will make it happen."

"Give me your word and you will have mine."

"Done." I smiled, holding my arm out to him.

Smiling, he grasped my forearm, shaking it gently as the deal was struck. I was about to take my leave when Ashur's voice came from behind me. "Is he bothering you?" He asked.

Unconsciously moving closer to Crixus, I turned and looked at him. "No."

"Leave us, Ashur." Crixus told him, distain in his words.

"I'm just looking out for the wellbeing of a beautiful thing." Ashur replied lightly.

"I am a person, not a thing." I told him angrily.

"Crixus. Ashur." Doctore's voice came from behind us. "Return to your cells."

"Doctore." They both said in unison.

"Lea." Crixus said before he left my sight.

Doctore stepped up to me, his large form towering over me. "Lea."

"Apologies, Doctore." I told him. "I was helping with the tending of the men. I was on my way out when I was stopped."

"By which?"

"Crixus wished to break words while Ashur clearly is in search of something more." I replied.

"It was fortunate for you that Crixus was here." He stated with a raised brow.

"I shall take my leave." I told him, making to move around him, he remained firm in footing, blocking my way. "Doctore?"

"You need to remain far from these walls. If Ashur is interested in you than only trouble will be found down here."

"He is more dangerous outside these metal bars. For it's in the shadows that he seeks me and one day I will not be able to fend him off any longer." I told him angrily. "Down here I feel protected. Up there I am alone."

"Have you told Domina of this?" He asked.

"No."

"I suggest you bring the subject to light. She will protect you." He stated.

"I can only hope that she would."

"Come." He said gripping my elbow, leading me to the entrance. "Return to your quarters and tend to your Domina."

"Yes, Doctore." I told him, quickly making my way up the stairs. Not slowing as I rushed back to my quarters, I entered to see Naevia pacing our small space.

"Where have you been?" She asked me with both anger and worry in her voice.

"I was finishing with the gladiators." I replied. "Then I had words with both Spartacus and Crixus."

"Crixus?" She said looking at me with curious eyes.

"He cares deeply for you." I smiled at her, taking her hands in mine. "If I were you I would throw caution to the wind and embrace it."

"He is Domina's." She said pacing away from me.

"No." I said shaking my head at her. "He is yours." She shook her head at me, worry written on her face. "He is. He would move heaven and hell to be with you. Let him care for you as I know you care for him. Domina doesn't have to know. All I want is for you to be happy and I truly believe you will be happy with Crixus."

Without replying, she went to her cot, pulling a cloth out from underneath it. I frowned at her as she stepped back up to me. "I did not tell you for I feared you'd be angry." She said and held the cloth out to me.

"What is it?" I asked as I took it, quickly unfolding it to reveal the beautiful white opal necklace we'd seen from the merchant. "Naevia." I said breathlessly as I looked at her.

"Crixus gave it to me." She told me with a smile, though it quickly faded. "I can never wear it though."

"Domina would know something was amiss if you did." I told her.

"She'd think me a thief." Naevia said with concern.

"What are you going to do?" I asked her.

"I must give it back to him. I cannot keep it. If she finds it even the Gods will not be able to save me."

"I understand." I nodded at her. "Do what you must. Crixus will understand when you tell him your reasoning."

"Will he?"

"Yes." I smiled putting my hand on her face. "This is just a trinket. _You_ are the real treasure." She smiled, hugging me tightly.


	6. To Know Better

_**Chapter Six: To Know Better**_

With morning came the perpetuation of our daily lives. I woke early, going down to get wine, hoping for a rare moment with Varro. I was disappointed when he wasn't in sight, knowing that by now they would be eating breakfast and then take to the sand for their training régime. Making sure the Domina and Dominus had breakfast ready for them when they woke; I waited for them to come to the table, knowing that Naevia and Santos would take care of our masters before they came to eat.

When they finally arrived, taking their seat at the table, Domina lifted her glass. "Lea."

"Domina." I replied quickly filling it with wine.

She took a drink of it before raising an eyebrow. "We need better wine."

"Let's hope Spartacus does well in the pits then." Dominus replied with a small smile on his face.

I looked at Naevia with slight nervousness. She simply subtly shook her head at me. Clearing my face of emotion, I kept my eyes on Domina's wine glass, ready to refill it when it was needed. Breakfast turned out to be quiet, both masters leaving the table to tend to the days affairs. Naevia saw Domina to the baths while I started to clean up. A few of the other house slaves stepped forward to assist me. I nearly toppled a stack of dishes but was steadied with gentle hands.

"Gratitude, Mira." I smiled at her.

"You are welcome." She smiled. She seemed to have a question in her eyes.

"What is it?" I asked her.

"It's nothing." She replied quickly, disappearing with the stack of dishes.

Sighing, I shook my head as I wiped the table clean. Picking up the jug of wine, I went to replace it where it belonged when the sound of the gladiators caught me, making me inch toward the balcony. Unable to help myself, I set the wine down before looking over the edge. They were hard at work. Looking for Varro, I attempted to not look to eager. When I finally found him, his eyes were already on me. Smiling, he looked about to smile back when he stopped, turning focus back to the gladiator he had been heavily sparing with. Sighing again, I retrieved the wine and replaced it down below.

Returning upstairs, I went to the kitchens to find the majority of the house slaves busy cleaning the dishes and already preparing for tonight's meal. Watching two begin to polish the silver, finding it unacceptable, I spent my time showing and explaining to them the expectations that were expected of them. They agreed with me but I knew that it was only because my station was higher than theirs and they had little choice in the matter. Once I was satisfied, I moved through the villa, freshening flowers and straightening things as I walked along. Once the main rooms were in order I moved to the others, refilling the soaps in the baths, making sure they'd be ready at any moment as well as anything else my masters may want. Once I was finished, I stepped into Domina's quarters, seeing Naevia dressing her for the day. Finding a place on the wall, I daydreamed of a life I would never have, hoping that the last encounter I had with Varro would not be the last. It was something I found myself doing more and more with any free moment that I had.

As soon as they were done, Domina decided to take a glass of wine out on the balcony. I was perfectly happy to do so. Even Naevia seemed pleased to be able to watch the gladiators train. We were there only a short while, watching the ripping muscle of the men below, when Barca appeared, shoving Spartacus toward the gates where Kerza already sat. He looked filthy. It must be what they needed to look like to take part in the pits. Domina frowned at the two gladiators. She was anything but pleased about Dominus's decision to take them there.

I didn't envy them. If all the stories of the pits were true then they were going to be put through hell. If only Spartacus hadn't attempted to elevate himself so quickly. If only he had just taken the advice of his friend. After all, Varro was the only friend that Spartacus had. If he was smart he would beg for his life. He too had a wife he was attempting to stay alive for. It seemed to be the theme of the ludus. Men with waiting wives. A longing filled me as I watched them. I yearned to know what that was like. To have a husband. To feel that love. To have a life outside of these walls. But I knew that that would never be. I was doomed to remain in this ludus forever.

It seemed that Dominus's decision to go to the pits had put Domina in a rare form. She was more demanding than usual. Nothing was done right and I was left to repeat and repeat daily chores or to oversee them while she moved on to another unsuspecting slave to project her wrath upon. By midday I was standing in the vestibule, watching four of the house slaves scrub the floor. I offered to help but Domina forbade it. I was only to watch and correct if needed.

"Did we do something wrong?" Mira asked as she scrubbed.

"No." I told her, my eyes watching for Domina.

"Then why are we being punished?" She replied stopping and looking up at me.

"You're not." I stated. "Our Domina and Dominus have a weight on their shoulders. If we can make their lives more bearable by simply obeying then that is what we will do." I told her, meeting her eyes with as stern a look as I could muster.

"Apologies." Mira said with downcast eyes, returning to her work.

The others hadn't even paused while Mira asked about the work their Domina had demanded of them. A headstrong slave would only cause trouble for the rest of us. I didn't believe that Mira was even remotely troublesome, she was simply curious. She'd been here for a while now, making her one not to fear using her tongue as much as the others. Not with each other. She wouldn't dare speak out of turn to our masters but with me she was more open than most.

As soon as the floor was scrubbed we moved into the next room, continuing on our way of making the villa spotless. As I waited, I couldn't help but be drawn toward the balcony. Picking up an empty pail, I went to go refill it, making an excuse to leave the room, making my way out onto the balcony. They were taking a break, the sand clear as they took a reprieve from the blistering sun. Looking down, I saw Varro sitting just inside the shade. He had a deep frown on his face, his jaw tight. Something was bothering him. He leaned his head back, his eyes shut for a moment before he opened them, seeing me above him. I offered him a subtle nod and a small smile. He simply stood and moved from my sight. Frowning, I turned away from the balcony, getting the water and returning to my charges.

"What's wrong?" Mira asked.

"Nothing." I told her, realizing that I had been frowning.

"Are you sure?" She asked.

"Yes." I smiled, setting the water down next to her.

"Gratitude." She told me.

By the end of the day, the villa was beautiful and our Domina was happy. The price for it was some extremely exhausted slaves. When night was upon us, Domina relieved us all to see ourselves fed, watered, and then to bed. I hoped that tomorrow would be less eventful. Naevia had been just as busy as I had watching over Domina and I had yet to see her. Even after all the other slaves had returned to their quarters, I roamed the villa making sure nothing was left undone. I heard when Dominus returned. Going to the balcony, I watched him return with everyone but Kerza. Knowing that he was dead, I sighed, sending a prayer to the Gods that it had been quick.

My gaze lingered on Spartacus, finding it hard to look at him. He had been badly beaten. He looked up at me as he slowly walked in the middle of his escorts. Smiling at him sadly, he gave me the subtlest of nods before he was out of sight. Sighing, I returned to my quarters. Naevia was still not there. I hoped she had found the courage to go see Crixus. Hoping that she was safe if that was true. Also that she was luckier than I had been. I didn't like the indifference Varro was suddenly showing me, twice more had he met eyes with me only to frown and move on. Then he seemed to ignore me completely. At one point Domina sent me to get more wine and I had found Varro lingering by the gate. I had attempted to speak to him though he moved from sight as if he hadn't heard me. Only I knew he had. He was treating as if he had never met me. Something that stung more than it should have. But I should have known better. Deciding that it was pointless to worry about him, I turned in for the night. Wanting nothing more than sleep to keep my mind from thinking too much.

I was the first to wake come daylight. Sitting, I looked at Naevia who was sound asleep in her bed. Not wanting to wake her, I sought to breakfast and to filling the bath before waiting outside of Domina's room for her to wake. When I heard the subtle sound of her stirring, I stepped inside, waiting for her to sit up before grabbing her robe, following her to the baths. She was still groggy as she stepped into the steaming water without pause, grabbing the robe from her body as she did so. Pushing the strap of my dress from my shoulder, letting it fell to the ground before I stepped out of it and into the water.

"Where is Naevia?" She finally asked.

"She was right behind me. She's finding something for you to wear." I lied.

"Mm." She said as I started to run the sponge against her skin.

"She'll be waiting when we're done."

After her skin was clean, she leaned back against the back of the bath, closing her eyes. "Go make sure she's prepared." She told me very nonchalantly.

"Domina." I said and slowly made my way from the bath.

As soon as I was out of sight, I darted back to Domina's chambers, seeing Naevia frantically pulling things out for Domina to wear. Anger must have been on my face for she cowered slightly when I rushed up to her.

"Where were you last night?" I shot at her in a harsh whisper.

"Why didn't you wake me this morning?" She retorted.

"Because I thought you needed the sleep." I told her. "I didn't know what happened last night so I wasn't sure what to do this morning."

"Nothing happened." She told me, but averted her eyes, tell tale of a lie.

"Something happened." I nodded at her. "But you're not going to tell me."

"Lea." Dominus said coming into the room, freshly clean and nearly ready for the day.

"Dominus." I said turning to him as I bowed my head.

"You've been helping the Medicus, yes?" He asked with an air of non-concern.

"Yes, on occasion." I told him.

"Go see to Spartacus. A woman's touch might do him some good tonight in the pits." He told me.

"Dominus." I said, glancing at Naevia before making my way down below. Doctore was waiting for me at the gates, an unpleasant look on his face. "I did not ask for this. It was commanded of me by Dominus." I told him with heat in my words.

"I wasn't going to ask." He said without meeting my eyes.

"You may not have asked but you clearly were going to say something." I shot back at him.

"You are in a foul disposition today." He commented, his tone growing soft.

"Things are happening and despite what I may want, I have realized that it needs to stop. Trouble is brewing and I am afraid that I and the people around me are going to be caught up in the middle of it." I told him, unafraid of telling him my thoughts.

"What makes you say such things?" He asked.

Looking up at him, I could tell that he wanted to know the answer. That he was going to have to keep an eye on things. "It's just a feeling." I told him calmly, trying to cover up my anxiousness.

"Why does Dominus want you to look after Spartacus? He hardly sends slaves down here to tend to the gladiators. More importantly, why does he keep sending you? This is not the first time." He said stopping so he could face me.

"I don't know." I told him. "He was the one who sent me that first time. Medicus didn't have anything bad to say. And then I offered to tend to the men after the games. I just wanted to help. To be of worth."

"You may have found your calling." He told me as he started walking again.

"Something like that." I stated quietly.

He led me to the Medicus, lingering in the doorway as I stepped up to a battered Spartacus. "Training starts soon. I suggest you be quick and do not take your time at returning to the villa." He told me with abundant seriousness.

"Yes, Doctore." I told him with a small smile.

I listened as his footfalls disappeared, looking at the Medicus before kneeling in front of Spartacus. "Hi." I smiled sweetly at him. He really looked battered. There was still blood all over him. Heavy bruising covering much of his body. "You look terrible."

"What are you doing here?" He asked weakly.

"I was sent." I told him. "Gratitude." I told Medicus as he handed me a cloth and small bowl of water. "I'm here to make sure you're all right." He scoffed at me. "How are you faring?" I asked him gently.

"How do you think?" He asked.

"Not well." I replied with a sigh.

He simply nodded and shut his eyes. Cleaning the blood from his body, a sense of calmness moved across his face. Seeing it, knowing that he did need it, I stayed silent. Moving into a steady rhythm, I continued to clean his skin, letting my strokes slow when his brows furrowed. He was remembering something. I hoped he was lost in memories of his wife. She meant the world to him. It would be her and her alone who would keep him alive in the pits. He was drifting. His humanity was being beaten out of him. Domina was right when she said that the pits were a bad idea. He wasn't going to be him anymore when he was done.

"It's okay." He told me sweetly. The suddenness of his voice making me jump.

"Sorry?" I asked before clearing my throat.

"I'm going to be okay." He said meeting my eyes.

"You look terrible. How much more can you take?" I asked with furrowed brows, running the cloth down the side of his neck and across his shoulder.

"As much as they can give me." He stated.

Laughing lightly, I gently shook my head at him. "I hope so. For some reason I care for you. I'd hate to see you fall in a place as horrible as the pits."

"I won't fall." He smiled softly. "And do not care for me. I'm not an honorable man."

"I don't believe you." I smiled.

"I'm here to save my wife. She's all that matters to me." He stated with seriousness.

Nodding, I put my hand on his face. "Then I can imagine her disappointment in hearing of your fall in the pits."

Putting his hand on my wrist he looked at me with hard eyes. "Lea, I will not fall."

Smiling, taking his head in my hands, I gently told him, "Good."

"And I'm sure she'll be grateful that I have someone looking out for me." He added, smiling back.

Laughing lightly again, I nodded, "Someone has to. If I had sooner you may not have done what you did and would not be in the pits right now."

"I'm afraid I'm too stubborn for you. Besides, it's the man who is supposed to take care of his woman."

"Good thing I am not your woman." I smirked.

"Now you're for Spartacus." A hard voice said from the doorway.

"Varro." I said as I jumped, taking a step away from Spartacus.

"Do you enjoy preying on the gladiators of this house?" He frowned further, stepping into the room.

"Varro." Spartacus said standing.

"What do you think you're playing at?" He shot at me, stepping even closer, making me cower in the wake of his anger.

"Varro." Spartacus repeated as he stepped in front of me. "Enough."

"What is she even doing here?" He frowned at his friend.

"She was sent by Dominus." He replied.

"You mean she lied to get down here." He frowned.

"What is wrong with you?" I frowned back at him from around Spartacus. Then I noticed the long gash just below the crook of his right arm. "You're hurt." I said stepping toward him.

"No." He shot at me.

"Varro." Spartacus said calmly. "Let her take care of you."

He looked furious. I didn't know what was going on inside his head but I was to blame for it. Guilt took me over and I realized that I made a mistake without realizing it. There was a moment that passed between us that turned out to be the largest fracture I could form. I had to fix it. I had to make it right.

"Please." I told him softly.

He looked at Spartacus before he sat down on a bench. Quickly getting a fresh bowl of water, thread and a needle, I knelt in front of him. He looked so angry. Spartacus sat behind me, both calmness and tenseness in his posture. Cleaning the wound, I pressed my thumb into it closest to the crook where the blood was freely flowing from. He winced but didn't say anything.

"Apologies." I told him as gently as I could. I was almost fearful of this angrier side of him. "Whatever I did to anger you, I am sorry for it. I never meant to cause anyone any pain. Especially you." He looked down at me, the same anger on his face, before it melted away and he simply shook his head. "My only intention is to see you live." I added, hoping it might tip the scale in my favor.

"And Spartacus?" He asked.

"I was sent to look after him. Nothing more."

"Nothing more?" He frowned down at him.

"I rid his skin of blood and dirt. Helping him remember what he was fighting for in the process." I told him. "I just want to help."

"You sound jealous, Varro." Spartacus smirked from behind me.

Attempting to hide my blush, I couldn't help but look up to see what expression Varro held. I wasn't displeased when his shook his head and a small smile graced his lips. Concentrating on the task at hand, I gently and tediously stitched his wound shut.

"If you take care of it the scar should be small." I told him, wiping my hands on the cloth when I was done.

It took me the better part of an hour to finish, wanting it to be right. All the while we had been silent. Though his face had softened half way through and I felt his eyes upon me as I worked. I hoped that meant that his anger toward me had diminished. I wasn't sure I could stand him being angry with me. I'd simply make it worse by attempting to make it better.

"Gratitude." He told me rubbing his hand over the bandage I had placed.

"Keep that on until tomorrow. Then come see the Medicus so you can get herbs to stave off any infection. Keep it clean but don't let it get too wet." I told him. "Festering will be more likely if you don't keep it dry."

"You know what you're talking about." He told me.

"I pay attention." I smiled at him.

"It's more than that." He stated.

Pausing, I nodded at him, "My mother." He smiled and nodded at me before he left the room. "How did that go?" I asked Spartacus.

"It went fine." He replied stepping up to me.

"What did I do?" I asked him with furrowed brows. "Why was he so angry? He's been ignoring me."

"You made him feel desire." Spartacus told me and sighed. "He was jealous when he saw you with me."

"Am I a horrible person if I say that that makes me happy?" I grinned at him.

He laughed lightly. "Yes."

It was a good moment turned sour when Barca and Ashur appeared to begin preparing Spartacus for the pits. They picked up dirt and threw it at him. "Hey!" I yelled at them. "I just cleaned him."

"And now we are to prepare him." Ashur told me with a malicious grin, making me step closer to Spartacus.

"Lea, I'll be all right." Spartacus told me.

"I doubt that." I whispered up at him.

"Leave." Barca said gripping the back of my hair as he forced me out the door.

"Barca." Spartacus said calmly. "She did nothing to you."

Barca struck him hard enough to make his lip bleed. I didn't know I was reacting to it until my hand was gripping Barca's wrist as he swung back to hit him again. In the next second I was on the ground, hit before I knew what was happening. There was commotion as I regained my senses. I'd never been hit before. Then there were hands upon me and Spartacus came into focus.

"You have to go." He said as he yanked me to my feet, pushing me toward the exit. "Yell for Doctore if anyone tries to stop you."

Nodding at him, seeing Ashur closest, standing behind Spartacus rubbing his clenched fist, I was already around the corner before he could turn back to the gladiator and the piss and shit of a man. Fearing for my life, I darted to the gates, the guards were unable to open them fast enough. Running up the stairs, I tried to calm my heart and slow my breathing as I moved through the villa. I thought I was going to make it without notice, when my arm was gripped and I spun to come face to face with a startled Mira. She looked at me, about to ask what happened when I gripped her wrist and led her back to my small quarters. She stood against the wall, watching me pace as I calmed myself down.

"What happened?" She asked gently.

"As of late I seem to be constantly getting myself into trouble." I smiled at her.

"Who did this?" She asked, gripping my wrist to stop my pacing, gently touching the bruise that was already forming on my cheekbone.

"Ashur." I told her. "I don't know what I'm going to tell Domina."

"You'll tell her the truth." She told me.

Nodding, I sat on the edge of my bed. "I've never been hit before." I told her. "It's kind of frightening."

"I'm sure it is." She said sitting next to me, taking my hand.

"Gratitude." I smiled at her.

"You're shaking terribly." She frowned.

"It'll pass."

"What were you doing down there?"

"Dominus sent me to tend to Spartacus."

"What's he like?" She asked curiously.

Smiling fondly I told her, "He's strong. Kinder then he thinks he is. He's a good man."

"You feel strongly for him." Mira smiled.

"Nothing more than thinking him a good man. A friend." I replied.

"There must be someone if you risk your life to see them." She stated as if she knew something.

"What do you know?" I asked her.

"We talk to each other. We've seen you and Naevia go down to the gladiator gates."

"Can I trust you?" I asked her with seriousness. "I've only every truly trusted one person and that's Naevia."

"You can trust me." She told me. "I promise you that I can."

Nodding, I smiled at her. "Gratitude."

"You're not going to tell me are you?" She smiled.

"Not yet." I replied nudging her.

"Can I trust you?" She asked me.

"With your life." I told her.

"I hope it doesn't come to that."

"Me neither." I said, letting a moment of silence hang briefly, realizing that the house was too quiet. "Where is Domina?" I frowned.

"She went to town for some sort of business." She replied.

Nodding, I sighed, "I guess that means it's another day of vigorous cleaning for us. She'll be happy if it's done before she returns."

As if on cue, we heard a crash and a gasp from one of the house slaves. "I guess we should get started then." Mira smiled.

Laughing lightly, I nodded standing and leading us from the room.


	7. Needed Release

_**Chapter Seven: Needed Release**_

Standing at the edge of the cliff, a strong breeze blew passed me as the sun set. It was beautiful. Everything felt as if it had fallen into place. There was a serenity that I thought I could only dream about. Content, I heard the familiar footfalls behind me. Smiling, I knew who was coming, already anxious to feel his hands upon me, the caress of his breath as it wafted across my skin.

Turning, I was met with a firm chest, quickly rising onto my toes, my hand gripping a handful of blond hair at the nape of his neck as our lips crashed against each other, the feeling I wanted most of all. Running my hand up his arm, I gripped his shoulder as I leaned into him, pressing my body against his. His hands gripped my hips before sliding up to my face. Sharing passionate kisses, he lifted me into his arms, carrying me to the nearest servant quarters set apart from the ludus. Lowering me onto a cot, he moved on top of me. Removing his subligaria, I marveled at the sight of him. I had never taken in such a man in all my years of watching them come and go. His body fit perfectly with mine. No two people had ever fit together as perfectly as we.

He stripped me of my dress, leaving us flesh against flesh. The feeling was euphoric, even more so when I felt his cock harden and he pushed up inside of me. Arching with pleasure, I gripped his sides, unable to stop the happy smile that crossed my face as I looked into his eyes. His face held a similar smile, softer, as if he was truly seeing me for the first time. Gently kissing him, he started to rock against me, slowly at first before he became more vigorous. With both of us moaning with pleasure, cutting each other off with heated kisses, he turned me over, pressing inside of me again as he pulled me back against his chest. Pressing my face against the side of his, I reached my arm around and gripped his hair as I panted, pleasure coursing through my veins. With one arm he gripped me; with the other he caressed my body. His hand massaged my breast as he gently bit into my shoulder before he sucked my skin, making a shudder move through me.

Long after the love making stopped, we lay in each other's arms, talking nearly nonstop as he traced shapes against my bare skin. My own fingers trailed back and forth against his chest, loving the sound of his voice, imprinting his smile to my memory, never feeling safer than I did right now, wrapped in his arms. Love wasn't a strong enough word as I gazed into his beautiful blue eyes. He was a God. He was my God. Nothing and no one could even come close to comparing to him. He was immaculate. Worthy of so much more than this ludus could provide.

"I am in love with you, Lea." He whispered to me.

"And I am in love with you, Varro." I told him, smiling sweetly as I caressed his face. "So very much in love." He put his hand on my face, leaning down and kissing me. "Your cock agrees." I said and laughed as he pulled me harder against his body.

"It rises to the occasion when it feels your thighs moisten." He replied with his half smile that made me melt against him.

Making love again, we were still in passionate throws when…

…I awoke in the morning.

My eyes opened to see the wall of the same little room I always saw, _absent_ of the blond beauty of my dreams. Sighing, I rolled over and put my feet over the edge of the bed as I sat up, rubbing the sleep from my eyes.

"The dream again?" Naevia asked. Nodding at her, I rubbed a knot out of my neck. "You've been quiet." She stated.

"Domina has kept me busy. She keeps you at her side so I get to see to every other need she has." I replied, sitting back down.

"Are you angry with me?" She asked sitting next to me.

"No." I smiled taking her hand. "I'm just preoccupied."

"I'm sorry I haven't been more forward with you." She told me. "I've been seeing Crixus." She added after a long pause.

"I've been waiting for you to tell me your secret." I nodded at her. "You're in love with him."

"I am." She stated with a sad edge to her voice.

"It's a good thing. I know he loves you back." I told her with genuine happiness in my voice. "I'd wish only the best for you and he is the Undefeated Gaul after all."

She laughed lightly, blushing slightly as she looked at me. Her eyes welled with tears and she rested her head against my shoulder. Embracing her, I placed a gentle kiss against the top of her head.

"Everything is going to work out. Do not fear." I told her softly.

She sighed and nodded as she straightened. "We should go see to Domina. She'll want to have plenty of time to prepare for the Games."

Many things had happened over the past few days. Dominus's life had been threatened in the pits. He'd come home with a knife wound. The only reason he was alive was because of Spartacus. Dominus had lost everything, but because of his actions Spartacus was given pardons from the pit and was once again reinstated with the other gladiators. To add to the happenings of the house, Magistrate Calavius himself had come to the villa to recruit gladiators for his upcoming games. He had chosen Crixus and Spartacus to fight together in the primus against Theokoles, the Shadow of Death. The moment the name was spoken it was as if a never-ending tension had filled the room and had yet to dissipate. Theokoles was a fearsome gladiator. It has been said that he's been cut a thousand times but won't die. Most think it impossible to kill him, and now Spartacus and Crixus were to face him in the arena. Ever since Spartacus had saved Dominus in the Pits, he had earned the favor of Dominus yet again. He was returned to his gladiator status and would be able to prove himself once again in the games. That was if he could fight along Crixus without turning against him. Crixus was still the better gladiator and Spartacus has to remember that. Naevia had been distraught since the moment the games were announced. If anything happened to Crixus she would be forever diminished. I couldn't bear to see her suffer. She was putting on a brave face but I knew she was being tortured inside. Though she seemed to be in better spirits this morning, she was putting on such a good face that I wasn't sure if it was a façade or not.

Spending much of the morning with Domina, making her look spectacular for the Games, it seemed to sneak up on me when it was time to depart. Only when the horses pulled the carriage from the ludus grounds, I was left standing behind. Domina had decided that only Naevia was needed to accompany her. There were going to be too many people already attending. These Games were going to be the biggest Capua would see since Spartacus bested four men on his own. It was what everyone was talking about, and I was stranded in the ludus to await the arrival of those who survived. I never got a chance to speak to Varro before he left. We hadn't spoken since I had mended his arm. I'd laid eyes on him but he never looked up. Despite Spartacus's words rolling through my head, I still feared that I had lost any relationship I could have had with the man of my dreams.

Sighing heavily, I turned back to the villa and resigned to keeping myself busy while I anxiously awaited the end of the Games and the return of those I cared about. I was confident that Varro would return. He had learned much and was quickly rising in the gladiator ranks. He was being given more honorable standings in the Games but he still wasn't fighting the truly great gladiators, giving him all the advantage he would need. However, I did fear for Spartacus. I didn't want to see any harm come to him. I had learned that Sura was the name of his wife. He would do anything to have her returned to his arms. He would fight to the best of his ability and then some. Crixus was another story. He would fight for his own glory. I had a sickening feeling that he would willingly sacrifice Spartacus for his own personal gain. Theokoles was not going to be an easy defeat. They were going to have to work very hard to bring a man like that down to the sand. I prayed to the Gods that they were successful. No man deserved to live forever, especially one with the reputation that Theokoles had. Though how does one go about killing the Shadow of Death when death itself is undying?

My thoughts were swimming with the outcomes that the day could bring, moving from one conclusion to the next, and each one was more horrific than the one before it. Polishing every piece of silver and gold in the villa, moving to replace and arrange all the flowers in the vases, straightening Domina's wardrobe, and finally throwing myself into scrubbing the floors with hopes that if I scrubbed vigorously enough my thoughts would finally cease.

"Lea, you need to stop."

Looking up I saw Mira's worried face. "I want to do it. I'm fine." I told her before starting to scrub again.

"I'll help you." She said kneeling next to me.

"No." I told her sternly. "It'll take longer if I just do it myself."

"What are you trying to hide from?" She asked sitting on her heels.

Sighing, I did the same and looked at her. "I'm afraid for the gladiators and it's encompassing much of my thoughts. I fear for their safety."

"You seem overly concerned." She frowned.

"With good reason." I shot at her.

"What reason is that?" She asked gently.

"One more worthy than you know." I replied gently.

She didn't ask any more questions. She remained with me throughout the day. Always looking at me with an air of concern. I didn't want to know what I looked like to her. I was going out of my mind with worry and it didn't help having her look at me that way. When I could think of nothing else to do, I escaped Mira's ever watching eye, creeping down to the gates of the gladiators. Hiding myself next to the stairs, I listened to the gladiators that remained, hearing their antics. It was more calming then all the work I had done so far. Shifting, something stabbed my thigh and I took the object in my hands. Frowning at it, I realized that it was one of Naevia's pins. My frown melted away and I smiled, knowing why her spirits were lifted. Knowing that she had embraced the love Crixus had for her, I hoped that her love wouldn't be ripped away from her today on the sands of the arena. Tears filled my eyes as my mind wandered from Naevia to Crixus to Spartacus before falling on Varro.

I'd seen people fall in love under the roof of the ludus. I remembered when Doctore was happily married, his wife taken from his arms far too early. Melitta was beautiful and kind. In my eyes she had been as close to perfect as I've ever seen. She had taught us much about becoming women and how to not lose ourselves. It was only in her death that Naevia was elevated, bringing me with her. But it had been bittersweet. I had seen the love Doctore and Melitta shared. At times you could feel how strong it was. I had looked at them and prayed that the same could happen for me someday. I knew that as long as I was a slave I would not marry, but to be in love would be the greatest gift. I thought I felt that with Varro. Not a day – a moment – went by where he was not on my mind. There were moments where I was worried it was just an infatuation. It wasn't real. Not to mention he could never share my feelings. He had a wife and son. I could only be an infatuation.

Trying to convince myself that that's what it is, I finally went upstairs, making my way to the courtyard, finding it empty. The gladiators were given Game days off. Doctore always accompanied the participants and watched over them throughout the day. Stepping out across the hot sand, the sun beat down on me, making sweat start to bead on my forehead. Walking to the edge of the cliff, I looked out over the land, seeing the nothingness that lay before me. A breeze gently blew across my skin. Taking a deep breath of it, I let a calm come over me, knowing that I had no power to help anyone. I was only as powerful as Domina let me be which was as powerful as the red hair she wore so proudly. I was merely a pawn, dispensable and hardly worthy of noticing. Yes, I could make her happy, as happy as a slave can, but I still meant very little to her. There were only a few that were truly of worth. Naevia and perhaps Santos, as body slaves you were always seen as more valuable than the rest. I hoped that I was included in that but most times I thought it was only because of Naevia that I was noticed at all. Not knowing when this bout of depression hit me, I attempted to push the thoughts from my mind. I wasn't doing anyone any favors by feeling sorry for myself. I had to be strong. I did not know what was happening and if Crixus fell against Theokoles then Naevia would need me. She would need me to be strong for her. I would be strong, for whatever came through the door, I would be strong.

The day had passed its peak and my nerves were shot. Shutting my eyes, I listened to the silence of the ludus. Everyone was relaxing while our masters were out. Picturing Varro's face, I let my mind take me to a place where love was alive and I was free to do what I pleased. I only opened my eyes when a shadow was cast over me. Frowning, I watched as clouds seemed to roll in from nowhere. My mouth dropped open slightly as I felt the first drop of rain fall against my cheek. Then another followed, and another, and another, until the clouds opened up and rain started to pour from the heavens. Unable to suppress my smile, I opened my arms, laying my head back as I laughed with happiness. The drought was over. Rain had finally arrived to save us. It was a sign from the Gods. Hope was alive. Letting the rain fill my mouth, I drank the pure liquid, never tasting anything so sweet. Finally lowering my arms I looked out at the land, seemingly transformed with the bringing of rain. Calmness flowed over me and, for whatever reason, I felt like everything was going to be okay. Awaiting their return, knowing it to be true, for by Jupiter's cock they would come home!

It was too long before the gates finally opened. I stood soaking wet in the rain, smiling as I waited to see the man I was pining for. The procession started with Dominus, followed closely by several of his guards, carrying a cot. For a moment my heart sank, terrified of who was on it. Taking a tentative step forward, I saw that it was Crixus that lay on the cot. His body was covered in blood. The bandages already soaked through. He looked pale, ready to leave this world. As horrible as it was to see him in such a condition, I couldn't help the feeling of relief that came with it. Then the others were walking in, Barca, Ashur, Doctore, Spartacus, and behind him…Varro. Seeing him made all my tension melt away. He was okay. The rain had washed away the blood and dirt from his skin. Unable to help myself, I smiled at him, releasing the breath I had been holding. Instead of ignoring me like he had been he gave me a smile of his own and a nod of reassurance. Wishing I could run to him, I simply grew my smile, nodding at him in return.

Despite my happiness in seeing Varro, it was time to act. Rushing inside, I moved to the Medicus's, wanting to help in any way I could. When I reached the doorway, there were several bodies blocking my view, Crixus's screams coming from inside. Naevia was at the back of the crowd. Quickly putting my hands on her shoulders, I turned her into me, tears immediately soaking into my hair and rolling down my shoulder.

"What happened?" I asked her.

"Spartacus defeated Theokoles. Crixus was wounded. I'm afraid that he's no longer for this world." She told me through her tears before a sob broke from her throat.

"He's going to be okay." I told her as I took her head in my hands.

"Help the Medicus." She told me with a shuddering breath. "Help him save Crixus."

Nodding at her, I pushed through the crowd trying to get through the doorway. I was nearly through when my arm was grabbed. I looked up into the eyes of Doctore. "I need to help him."

"Stay back." He told me.

"Let her pass." Domina told him, worry clear in her voice.

He looked at me with concern. "I'll be fine." I said putting my hand on his arm. "Someday you will have to explain your concern toward me."

"Never." He replied before stepping aside.

Sighing, I quickly moved into the room, rushing to the gladiator's side. "Crixus." I said taking his hand.

"Lea." He said looking at me with a painful expression.

He was covered in blood. It seemed to be spewing from every part of him. I could see his intestines through the open wound on his abdomen. There was another across his chest that was overflowing with blood. The warm liquid was spilling from the corners of his mouth, making him choke. He seemed to be slipping from his world, searching the room for a foothold to stay in the land of the living.

"Crixus, look at me." I said putting my hand on his face. "I am here to see you remain in this world. You fought bravely. The Gods shall not claim you on this day." He nodded at me. "You need to fight. More pain awaits you but you need to hold steady so we may mend you." Putting my lips near his ear I told him gently, "Know that Naevia is ever by your side. She wants you to fight. She cares too deeply for you to have you die before ever knowing the great love that you two share. So you must fight. Fight for her." Looking at him, he hardened himself, nodding at me. "Be brave." I told him before looking at Medicus. "He's ready."

The room cleared and it was just me, the Medicus, and Dominus's guards to help hold him down. Taking his head in my hands, I held firm to Crixus as they readied to seal his wound with hot metal. Even I was shaking when I watched the red metal come ever closer to his skin. When Medicus put it to flesh, Crixus's screams filled the room, piercing me right through my heart. It was unbearable and seemed to take hours before the metal was put away and Crixus lay unconscious from the pain. His wounds were closed but it was only the beginning. He had weeks if not months of recovery ahead of him. That was if he made it through the night. When he was finally resting as comfortably as he could, I sat against the wall, watching him, making sure his chest still rose and fell. At times it seemed to falter before becoming steady again. I was exhausted. I didn't know how much time had passed when Domina and Naevia reappeared in the doorway.

"Does he live?" Domina asked.

"Yes." I told her, slowly getting to my feet. "We have mended him as best we can. He has a long road ahead of him. If he makes it through the night his chance of survival will grow."

"You're exhausted." Domina smiled at me. "Go clean up and rest."

Nodding at her, I extended my hand to Naevia before snatching it back after I saw all the blood on my hands. She smiled at me, nodding before stepping closer to Domina, wanting to be as close to Crixus as she could get. Leaving the room, moving through the gladiators' quarters, through the gathering space, I stepped out into the rain. All the while my mind was going through what I had just witnessed. What I had just needed to do to save a life. Night had fallen but the rain was pouring just as hard as it had been earlier. As soon as it hit me, all the emotion I had been holding in started to seep out. Looking at the blood that covered my hands and arms, ran down the length of my dress enough to even stain my knees. My body started to shake as I walked further out into the rain, stumbling before falling to my knees. The rain ran red as it slid off of me. Looking up to the heavens I opened my mouth and screamed my agony. Screamed before the sobs caught in my throat making me gasp harshly as I tried to suck air back into my lungs. My eyes had never lain upon such a gruesome sight. I'd seen men die in the arena, but to see the carnage up close affected me more than I had thought or anticipated. My mind tried to work through it as I stared at my bloodied hands.

Without forewarning, hands were on my arms, running down them, along my forearms until their hands were in mine. They were large and strong. Their fingers laced with mine as a body pressed against my back. Turning my head, I looked up into the ocean that was Varro's eyes. Seeing calmness and sadness in them crashing down on me as wave's crash against the shore. My tears came faster as I looked again at the blood on my hands. Leaning back against his strong form, I felt his breath against me as he moved his hands back and forth across my hands and arms, wiping the blood clean from my skin. Moving to my chest, neck and face he continued to wipe the blood away. The roughness of his hands was calming, making my sobs more sporadic than constant. When my breathing had regulated, his arms were still moving back and forth across my skin.

"Gratitude." I whispered to him.

He folded my arms against my chest, his covering them as he wrapped his arms around me, pinning me to his chest. He rested his head against mine, sighing softly into my ear. Leaning my head against his, I let him hold me until my shaking had subsided and I once again had control over my emotions.

"Gratitude." I told him again, my voice cracking.

"Are you all right?" He asked gently.

Shaking my head, tears were in my eyes again. "I've never seen anything like it. Nor have I ever heard such agony coming from one person."

"I'm sorry you had to witness it."

"I wanted to help." I told him sadly. "I wanted to help him."

"You did help him." He stated matter-of-factly.

"He might die and –" I said cutting myself off.

"And what?" He asked.

"He can't die."

"Why not?"

"Because Naevia will be broken if he dies." I told him.

"Take a moment and do not think about Naevia. Or about Crixus. Simply think about you." He replied sweetly. "What are you feeling?"

Taking a moment to even consider the question, tears once again filled my eyes. "I'm sad and afraid. I'm lonely and confused." I told him with furrowed brows, leaning away from him, looking at my, now clean, hands. "I feel everything." I whispered.

"Let me take you back inside." He told me sweetly.

"I want to stay here." I stated as emotionless as I could. "The rain makes it better."

"Lea, come." He said pulling me onto my feet.

Turning to him, I looked up into his face. His proximity was enough to make my mind fog over. Make me lose myself in his eyes and the scent of him. There was nothing I wanted more than to feel his hands upon me and mine against his. But for a moment that all fell away. For in this moment I wanted nothing from him. My mind was racing with what I'd seen and done. It was yet too fresh.

"Leave me, Varro." I told him. "I can take care of myself."

He frowned at me, taken aback before his expression smoothed. "I am sorry if I've been cold toward you. I'd never wish to cause you any pain."

"You have a wife and son. Believe me when I say your intentions are well known. I will not make a move to win your affections. I will not be hated that way. I will not put myself through pain that way." I told him. "You have nothing to fear from me and you don't have to watch over me. I can take care of myself."

For a moment we simply looked at each other before I stepped around him, going back inside without a glance backward at him. I didn't want to see his expression. I didn't want to see what I wanted to see, or worse, what I didn't. Rushing through the villa, I went to my chambers, finding it empty. Changing into something clean and dry, I sat on my bed, going through the night's events. For a moment I had had what I wanted. Varro was there and had taken me in his arms. Only I had ruined in with heated words and clouded mind. Or perhaps my mind had been too clear. I knew of his family and had decided that it mattered not. But it mattered more than I was willing to admit. I was not about to take a man from the arms of loving wife. If a woman dared to try and do the same then the Gods wouldn't be able to save her. All of this was swimming in my head, making sleep hard to befriend, leaving me to lie upon my bed, staring at the ceiling.

Even when I heard Naevia return I remained silent. I wanted to break no words or show no emotion. For now I wanted to be as invisible as the Gods. My presence unknown, yet felt. She said nothing as she lay in bed, quiet sobs drifting over to me. Still not wanting to say a word, I remained silent, wanting to sink into the bed I lay upon. I was grateful when she finally fell asleep, her gentle breathing a constant as sleep continued to evade me. Even at dawn's first light I remained awake and staring.

Rising, unable to stand it any longer, I cleaned and dressed before making my way back down to the gladiator gates. I was not questioned when I asked for entrance, walking swiftly to the Medicus without looking at anyone that I passed. Slowing when I neared the door, I could already smell the blood. Stepping inside, Crixus looked fragile, too fragile for a gladiator, shaking from the pain and blood loss. Kneeling at his side, I chased the flies away, cleaning and tending his wounds. My stomach turned as more blood was smeared across my skin in the process.

"You're here early." Medicus told me when he appeared.

"I couldn't sleep." I told him.

"The sight plaguing your mind?" He asked. My silence was his answer. "It's always hard the first time. It'll get easier."

"I'm not sure that's a comfort." I stated.

"It should be. If they keep sending you here you'll be seeing worse than poor Crixus here."

"I'm not sure I could handle more than this." I said softly, wiping Crixus's brow with a wet cloth.

"In time you will." He told me. "How does he fare?"

"He's in pain. His fever has worsened." I replied.

"He's strong. He may yet survive." He said nonchalantly. "Domina must care a great deal about this gladiator."

"Please explain your words." I frowned at him.

"She has sent you to care for the gladiators. I've appreciated your help. Only now she also sends her other slave to care for this man. Making sure he is tended to better than the others. She has not taken such interest in any gladiator before." He told me, curiousness in his tone.

Standing, I turned to him, feeling the anger that passed my face. "Cast all thoughts of this from mind. Crixus is a champion and is simply being treated as such. He has elevated this ludus and deserves to be saved."

"Apologies." He said with a subtle bow.

"Cease all talk on the subject and see us even." I replied with a more relaxed tone, though my body was still prepared for any action required.

"Lea." Spartacus's voice said from behind me.

"Bringer of Rain!" Medicus explained with excitement. "How kind of you to come see your fallen comrade."

"Leave us." Spartacus told him.

"As you wish." He said and quickly left.

"Are you well?" Spartacus asked me as soon as he was gone.

"Bringer of Rain?" I countered looking up at him, avoiding the question.

"I was the one who killed Theokoles." He answered. "I've been deemed the new Champion of Capua."

"Congratulations." I smiled at him.

He nodded at me with a small smile. Though it quickly disappeared. "Now, how do you fare?"

"I am well." I told him with as much truth as I could muster.

He gently took my hands in his. I had been unconsciously wringing them, the blood starting to dry on my hands. Leading me to a clean bench, he sat me down, taking a bowl of water and cloth from the table, kneeling in front of me. He wet the cloth and gently wiped the blood from my hands.

"Varro is concerned for you." He told me.

"Tell him to remove me from thought. I should hold no weight in his mind." I replied softly.

"You should not be here." He said with the same tone.

"I have only ever desired to help." I stated as tears filled my eyes.

"Have you ever thought of helping yourself?"

"No."

"Why?"

"Because I was born and raised in this house. I've seen many come and go by various means. There's no escaping this place. No hope in being gifted any semblance of life other than slavery. I see that now." I told him and paused. "I see hope in the eyes of Naevia. I see hope in the eyes of Crixus. I see something that if given the chance can grow and become more than a dream."

"Your thoughts grow dark." He told me.

"No. They grow brighter for the ones I love." I replied. "You can understand that."

"No." He stated. "I think only of myself and having my wife returned to my arms. Which is drawing ever nearer for Batiatus has found and procured her. She is on her way here as we speak."

"Then you do understand." I smiled at him. "I am happy for you."

"Gratitude." He smiled back. "Now, returning to subject."

"Which is?" I asked giving a slight roll of my eyes.

"Varro is concerned for you." He said repeating his earlier words.

"Do not speak his name to me." I told him coldly.

"It seems we've gone from one extreme to the other." He sighed.

"Remember when you didn't want me to go near him?" I frowned.

"Yes, only now you've become a distraction to my friend." He stated.

"Don't make me laugh." I said with disdain in my voice.

"Has seeing Crixus like this really affected you so?" He asked with concern. Unable to reply, I met his eyes, his face blurring as tears filled mine. Understanding crossed his face. "You're preparing yourself." He stated. My answer was clear as I now averted my eyes from his. "You're terrified of seeing Varro like Crixus now lies. Or worse…dead."

"I cannot see him this way." I whispered, unable to make my voice any stronger, tears falling down my cheeks as I looked up at him. "I cannot watch him suffer. I cannot watch him die. I would not survive it."

"Lea…" He said looking at me with such sadness, his hands gripping mine tighter.

"I shouldn't care for him this way. But the thought of any harm befalling him turns my stomach." I told him shutting my eyes.

He released my hands, putting them on my face, wiping away my tears with his thumbs. "He will be safe. No harm with befall him."

Opening my eyes, I frowned at him. "You cannot promise me that."

"I am the new Champion of Capua. I will see him unharmed." He told me.

"Your words change nothing." I replied sadly.

"Yours can change everything." He countered.

"You speak falsely." I said raising my brow.

"His distraction will cause him harm." He tried to reason. I eyed him unbelievingly. "He cares for you."

"Your words hurt more than they help." I told him sadly.

He sighed, gently pulling me up to my feet. Wrapping his arm around me, he led me from the room, leading me toward the gates. We were at the door when Varro stepped into sight. Averting my eyes, I simply stood there, not wanting to see him. I wanted nothing more than to let him go. Free myself from a bond that can never be.

Spartacus put his hand on my back, leaning close to my ear. "Speak with him."

I watched him walk away before I sighed, turning to finally meet Varro's eyes. "Hello."

"Hello." He told me with a half-smile that made me feel weak. "Are you well?"

"No." I frowned at him.

The smile was wiped clean from his face. "What's wrong?" He asked stepping up to me, gently gripping my arm.

Gently pulling my arm free of his touch, I averted my eyes from his. "Please, do not touch me."

"Lea, I am sorry for any offence I have made against you." He told me almost pleadingly.

Meeting his eyes again, I hardened myself for what I was about to say. "Your concern is not needed. You should only be concerned about staying alive in the arena so you can be reunited with your wife and son." I told him before smiling sadly at him. "I should mean nothing to you."

"I'm relieved that you've come to terms with this after making me feel for you." He replied angrily.

"I cannot make you feel anything." I told him. "Your concern is touching but unfounded." In the next moment he had gripped my arms, pulling me closer to him. "Varro." I said putting my hands on his chest.

"Whether you believe it or not, I care for you." He told me with a frown.

"And I care for you." I told him. "This is why I will step away from you instead of toward you." He frowned further. "Spartacus said I am a distraction to you. Please do not let me be." He nodded and let me go. "I will not see you lying on a bench as Crixus does. I would not survive it." I said taking his head in my hands, staring in his eyes as I ran my thumbs back and forth across his cheekbones. "So fight. Win. Live."

With his expression softening, he wrapped his arms around me, pulling me against him. Wrapping my arms around his neck, I sighed, burying my face in his neck, breathing him in. Running my hand down the back of his head, I released him, taking his head in my hands once again as I met his eyes, smiling.

"Do not think of me. Think only of what you're here to fight for."

"Will you do the same?" He asked. Smiling wider, I nodded at him. "Liar."

"I live only to serve my Domina." I told him.

"Serve yourself." He told me with raised brows.

"I cannot have what I want." I said as I again ran my thumbs back and forth against his cheeks. He frowned before placing a long kiss against my forehead. "I must go." I told him, quickly calling a guard to let me out, rushing up the stairs.


End file.
